Tuesday, January 8, 2013

HALP! (The Wedding Registry Edition)

I don't often ask for thoughts about the wedding because I'm super decisive about my style and what I like but I figured, for this topic, I'd reach out for  wee-bit-o-help from you people.

The Registry. (capital R. because it deserves some respect). 

So, here's my issue: by the time this wedding rolls around, M and I will have lived together for 2 and a half years. My point there is, we have everything we need. I'm at a loss for what to register for. 

Here are some points of interest: 
1) I know people usually use a registry to "upgrade" some items that they may already have, like silverware and dishes. I'm iffy on this. M is rammy, and has chipped 2 dishes already and broken 2 wine glasses. I don't even blink at it now because we have super plain black IKEA dishes. If we have much nicer ones, I may freak out. Also? IKEA will always be around if I need to add to the set
 (and it's $20 for 4 plates, 4 small plates and 4 bowls at IKEA. CANNOT BEAT THAT). 

2) I feel super tacky registering at places that I'd never shop at myself: Crate & Barrel & Williams Sonoma, primarily. I already feel weird about people buying things for me, but especially feeling like I'm putting my family out. I'm weird.

3) I'm not sure what's "tacky" or not to register for. So far this is pretty much all I have (from Target):
-serving bowls/tray (all white. notice a pattern? I like clean)
-new towels (that actually match our bathroom color now)
-a few sets of sheets (just the plain jersey ones)
-a blender (M broke ours.. notice another pattern? ;) ...) 

annnddd that's pretty much it. 

I handed M a computer and told him to pick something and he clicked a $200 sound bar stereo system and I died laughing. He got embarrassed and unclicked. Is that something that's tacky? What about home decor accents? like throw pillows? I'd LOVE some fancy throw pillows (and by that I mean the $30 ones at Target that I JUST can't really bring myself to buy, because..well..they're pillows.

4) I have a browser open for Bed Bath & Beyond but don't even know what I'd register for? 

5) HELP!? 

We don't really want to register for a ton of stuff "just because" ...and would honestly rather prefer money, but we fear not registering for ENOUGH stuff means people might take creative license and add things they think we may like. You know, like that embroidered pillow with wild stallions on it. yeah. 

SOOO here's my ultimate question(s): 
For those of you that lived together before marriage, what did you do about a registry?
Are there things I'm not thinking of that I already own but should "upgrade"? 
What were some things you got that you may not have thought to register for but are grateful you have?
Even though we're not trying to register for a bunch of stuff, should I add another store? So far it's just Target. 

please and thank you.


  1. Tate and I lived together for 2 years before getting married and we didn't buy ourselves stuff on purpose becuase we knew we could register for it. We registered @ Target & Bed, Bath & Beyond.

    What about a very nice set of pots and pans? We registered for a nice set from BBB and didn't get it, but we got loads of gift cards and 20% shopping spree after our wedding so we bought it then. I love them and they will last forever and if not, we can bring them in and they will replace anyone that breaks or wrecks.

    Def register for decor items. I did lots of that too, especially items I didn't want to buy myself (like $30 pillows). We also registered for a VERY NICE Dyson. Also nicer cooking utensils to use in the kitchen, blankets, games...love games, etc. :)

    You will be surprised on how many people will actually give you cash vs a gift. I was. WE registered for a good amount of stuff (not as much as the store thinks you should) and still received lots of gift cards and money!

    Your showers is where you will receive many of the registered gifts...

  2. We lived together for 4 years before we got married, and we had a TON of stuff already. We registered at BBB, Target, and C+B (only for the cheap stuff for our persnickety guests). We registered for new sheets, towels, blankets (can't have enough nice ones), pillows, serving dishes, "china", new silverware, new glasses (J has a problem with the dropsies). We registered for lamps, decor, pillows, and even really nice photo frames/art (especially at BBB). People actually got us almost everything on our list!

    BUT you will have the people that take artistic freedom with your gifts. You have to do whatever is right for you, though! :)

  3. I agree with Bridget 100%. My husband and I lived together for over 3 years before we got married and obviously had a bunch of stuff..but decided to use our registry as a chance to upgrade. We registered at Target and Bed, Bath & Beyond as well. Don't feel pressured to register at fancy-schmancy stores that you don't actually shop at. Keep your registry "you" .. because you are the ones who will be utilizing the gifts !

    Your Target registry is off to a great start! I definitely think decor items are a good thing to add. For me, it was things that I wanted to have but wouldn't necessarily buy for myself .. I mean, "us" ;)

    And Bridget is definitely right.. I got a lot of amazing registry stuff at my bridal shower, but our actual wedding gifts were probably 95% cards/money.

    I know it can be stressful when you're at the store trying to pick things out..but just have fun choosing some 'wish-list' things for yourselves!

  4. We also lived together for a few years before our wedding so we were in the same boat. I definitely learned that people WANT to buy you a gift, so it's just a matter of whether you want to pick it out or let them....

    I think it's good to have a variety of gifts at different price points. We put a couple of pretty spendy things on our registry just for fun (and to get 10% off of it after the wedding) and ended up getting them!

    The other thing we did was a honeymoon registry! I know people have mixed feelings on those but our guests LOVED it because they were able to buy us memories versus kitchen utensils (even though I LOVE my new kitchen utensils).

    We registered for a ton of stuff and were shocked by how much cash we got, so if it's money you want...you'll still get it. AND you can always return gifts. shhhhhhh. :)

  5. I'm not engaged, but I've helped my sisters go through this and I would recommend picking more than one place to register. It might be helpful for your guests to have some choices- it doesn't have to be a fancy store though, I'm sure your guests would prefer it not be.

    I just moved in with my boyfriend and my mom keeps telling me not to buy anything because we can just register for it when we get married haha. That is a long way off so I wont be listening to her, but it's funny to hear that you are actually having that issue. Good luck!

  6. I registered at Walmart, BB&B, and Potterybarn. A price range for everyone, ha! PB is my favorite, though everything i have from there was a wedding gift. I would definitely add a store & YES, it is okay to register for throw pillows, home decor, stereo systems! It really is! I have seen tool sets, bbq pits, family games - all on registries. And nobody thought it was ridiculous. The only time i've thought something was crazy on a registry is a friend who picked THE MOST EXPENSIVE item of EVERYTHING - like, even toasters. Ha!

    I love my mini food processor & had no idea i'd adore it so much. What else... maybe a nice set of pots & pans?

    Are y'all going on a honeymoon? B/c my sister & her husband lived together too & they had everything they needed. So they registered for their honeymoon. I think it was at honeymoon.com. I put it on the shower invitations & people bought stuff from it. They went to Italy for their honeymoon, so people could buy things like "a ride on a gondola", "a night at some fancy inn", a tour of a winery", breakfast in bed... stuff like that. It was really neat & they ended up not having to pay for a lot of stuff on their honeymoon! Just an idea. :) That is the only place they registered for.

  7. Ok, so not married and have never done a registry. But. One of my friends registered for board games, and that was really fun for me to buy. As a youngish person, it feels funny for me to buy dish towels or sheets or whatever. So games were a bit more fun. I'd think the same thing about any kind of hobby you guys could do together or with friends -- like if you're campers, maybe sleeping bags or a tent? But I have no idea what's tacky and what's not. I agree with whoever said to just keep it you and not worry about what people will think! :)

    1. Board games. Boom. Best gifts we got. Hands down.

  8. Oh man the registry...it's a tricky thing. I was where you are with M. I lived with Kev for 2 years before we got married. We did do some of the upgrading like you mentioned and I don't think it's always a bad idea...I mean it can be anything - sheets, blender, curtains. I think a lot of it has to do with the people you are inviting as to what to put on there. I honestly don't think the sound bar is a terrible idea...you might have some older people who can afford that, and you might have some friends that will go in on the gift together since they know you have a lot of things already. We put some high price tags on our and surprising got a few of them. What about a dyson or another nice vacuum? Something else to think about is that even though people not get it for you usually after the wedding you get discounts on the items on your registry and you get gift cards to use so maybe no one will buy the sound bar, but you could get it with a decent discount you wouldn't normally get?! I asked my closer friends for like gift cards to Home Good and restaurants...obvi not on the registry. Finally what if you did a honeymoon fund for your registry...people just donate some money to your honeymoon. Here is a good site for it: http://www.honeyfund.com/
    Sorry, that's alot! lol.

  9. My husband and I lived together before getting married and didn't really need anything either, but since we were stationed in Hawaii and had our wedding reception in Illinois we didn't end up registering anywhere [shipping would have been too expensive]. However, I think you should definitely register for decor! Personally, I look at what couples are registered for online and end up getting them a gift card to where they're registered. Good luck!!!

  10. I love the idea of pillows and such but what if they're not in stock by the time you register? I.e. you register like, this winter and by the time the fall rolls around and someone goes to buy a last-minute gift (me) and they don't even have them, so then I just buy cat pillows...just a thought ;-)

  11. I'm not engaged/married but as someone who has been buying a ton of wedding presents as of late I see no problem in registering for nice "fun" stuff in addition to the traditional registry things. I love to buy my friends things I think might brighten their day or make them think of me when they see them. I figure their parents/wealthier relatives will probably help out with china sets, etc. But I can afford throw pillows, and would LOVE to a Christmas card the next year with those cute throw pillows in the background! Just my two cents :)

  12. A couple of my friends were in the same situation and they state in the wedding they were registered but were really trying to build a deck. I can't remember how it was worded exactly, but they ended up getting a lot of cash and Home Depot gift cards!

    Also - I don't know if it's common in MN, but here in MB 'presentation' is a common thing instead of a registry.

  13. 1. You actually could set up a registry to contribute to your honeymoon. google that.

    2. You could also set up a registry for one large purchase, like if you were going to do a remodel and needed stuff from Home Depot.

    3. You will get a bunch of cash and gift cards no matter what.

    4. You will get crap you never registered for, and still do not want no matter what.

    5. Upgrade!! Get some nice stuff--get faaancy sheets and towels that you might not use everyday but will feel all fancy when you do use it. Register for pretty dishes/glassware that you only take out for special occasions. Get a nice set of silverware or high end pots/pans. Get some games if you guys like that stuff. Some people even register for camera accessories and electronics (Pete wanted to do that, but we didn't since we registered for a lot of stuff already).

    6. nothing is too tacky. if people don't like it they won't buy it. and if there's not a lot of stuff on the lists, they'll just give you cash.
    we registered for target, macys, and kohls but beware--we registered in January and Target updates their merchandise like every 30 seconds so I had to constantly update as items were no longer available :/

  14. I know you've gotten tons of comments, so I won't go into detail, but I sort of felt the same way as you. Guilty to put stuff that I didn't really NEED on my registry...just because. But you shouldn't feel guilty. It's your one chance in life to put stuff on there that you wouldn't buy for yourself, because a wedding is a big deal and people want to buy you stuff you usually only dream about :) Good luck!

  15. I'm just commenting to say that Jesse and I didn't live together before we were married. I was a virgin bride.

    Just kidding.

    We lived together for a while prior to marriage. And I reeeeally wanted to register for an array of vintagey things and gift cards to antique stores. But I guess you can't do that or something. Oh and just embrace the C&B. That place is amaze. And they have tons of white shit. Oh and crockpots. I got like 5 as gifts. Registered for ONE. But it's nice having all of them. So maybe anticipate and embrace that as well.

  16. We lived together before we were married but we chose to upgrade since most of my things were mis-matched or hand me downs. We had a huge yard sale to sell all of my old stuff about a month after we were married.

    Regarding what to register for, I really wanted china and crystal, some pretty vases, fancy frames for our wedding photos, high thread count sheets, fluffy absorbent towels that last more than a year, a food processor, a kitchenaid mixer (I would NEVER have spent the money to buy one for myself), a nice coffee maker, a nice vacuum (2 dogs shed a ton), baking stuff, try-ply stainless steel cookware that lasts forever and doesn't scratch, an enameled cast iron dutch oven, nice pyrex storage containers, and corelle casserole dishes. In terms of non-breakable but nice dishware, look at the Corelle white set. Also, in my experience (the mister breaks everything!) heavier dishes and glassware are harder to break. Our Ikea stuff broke. Our new stuff is still intact after two years!

    A note on where to register -- we registered at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and Macy's. Two different price points for two different families that live in two different areas of the country. Bed, Bath, and Beyond has the BEST return policy. We also had a long engagement, and started getting gifts a year in advance of our wedding that were not opened until a month after we were married. As long as it's on the registry, you can return it. Target's return policy is awful. We made a secret registry at Target that we kept private. Then, when they sent the completion coupon, the mister used it to buy the playstation 3 that he had been lusting after.

    Good luck, congratulations, and I hope this helps. :)

    1. But I LURVE Target! wah! just kidding. I do love it, but I've heard that abotu the return policy..which is why we're registering for really basic stuff that, if we get doubles of or the "wrong" of- meh. I freaking love the "secret" registry for the PS3! hahaha! That's totally something M would do. When I told him last night there's a completion discount he was all "we're putting that sound bar BACK ON!".. men and their gadgets. haha

  17. just stopping by to invite you to join a google plus community for Minnesota bloggers, like the two if us. If you're like me it'd be nice to have a little blogging community and maybe even meet up in real like someday! Hope to see you there! Just head to google plus and search "Minnesota blogger" in the communities. Ps- if you'd like to check out my blog, here's the address: www.dosmallthingswithlove.com

    Ps--your blog is really fun! I'd say register places you shop that way when and if you return stuff you have a store credit you can easily use.

  18. Okay my comments - don't register at Target. I've heard nothing but bad things when you have to deal with them regarding a registry, especially returns. We have a lot of things we already need too, but we're using our registry to stock up on things we'll need when we get our home and have two extra rooms and bathrooms to fill. We're also having a Hatch My House registry for those that would rather contribute to a down payment than pay for some bowls or whatever.

  19. weelll.... first "people might take creative license and add things they think we may like".... there is not MIGHT in that sentence, it's a PEOPLE WILL!

    haha- my hubby and i lived together for 2 years before we were married (dated for 6 before marrying) BUT we bought a house right before we got married (previously lived in a townhouse) so there was SOME stuff we registered for at Target and Home Depot (tacky, the HD... NOT AT ALL A. we met there and B. with a house come HOUSE projects!) anywhooo... another option would be to stock up you kitchen with Pampered Chef cooking utensils! they have an AWESOME wedding registry program, everything can get shipped right to your house and you get points based off of everything ordered from your registry- aka FREE STUFF on top of your gifts rcv'd. PC lasts a lifetime, for real, anything breaks its replaced no questions asked, etc... i blogged about my PC registry and all the fun stuff i picked out for FREE on my wedding blog from back in the day [http://aandaasonnek.blogspot.com/2010/09/registry-rewards.html]

    good luck!

  20. we didn't live together before hand as we were new college grads so we needed like everything! i think upgraded a few items would be fine but also register for stuff you wouldn't otherwise like new sheets, towels etc. if you don't need 'em now you can always save 'em for guests when they visit - they'll appreciate it.

    also register for experiences, people love to give those and you can call (or blog) about it afterwards to share it with the person who gave the ... restaurant gift cards, canoeing gift certificate, museum membership, comedy club tix, etc

    We used Amazon.com as our main registry and it was awesome. Tons of great items (duh it's Amazon) plus you can add items from practically any other store on the planet. Our guests loved it. --view our registry here to see what I'm talking about (at the bottom is the experiences stuff) - http://www.amazon.com/registry/wedding/3Q39T6IAE2R7X

    1. that should be a direct link but if for some reason it makes you search by name it's under "megan thacher"