NEW SEASONS

I couldn't even tally the number of hours I've spent in coffee shops over the duration of my educational career. Once that ended, and I landed my first law gig, I would sometimes head to a coffee shop to work on a brief. Most recently, I'd head to a coffee shop to hammer out some job applications. I sent M to the lake with the boys this weekend and headed downtown to the trendy "North Loop" part of Minneapolis to a new coffee shop for some pure, unadulterated ME time. 

No homework.

No work. 

No job applications. 

And here I find myself in this space again. The space being, this blog. I find that when I'm off kilter in certain areas of my life, I have the tendency to stall out in others. Two weeks ago, I started a new job. Without getting into the details- not because I'm a vague blogger, but because I'm a professional- it was both an easy and incredibly hard decision. I knew it needed to happen, but once the wheels were in motion, I was looking for the brakes. I recall a moment on my 2nd day of work at the new job having at total panic attack that I'd made the wrong decision. It's more unsettling for me to have unsettled feelings because usually when I make a decision, I commit to it- paint color, furniture. I'm not a waffler. 

The moment passed, and at the end of my second week, I feel confident that I can say I will really love this job. It's a 180 from what I was doing: practicing in state and federal courts across the country; to primarily Minnesota based, administrative law. Plaintiff's work; to defense. 6 attorneys; to 14 attorneys. It turns out, the things I thought I would like and would value fresh out of law school, are not the things I found myself loving. Maybe I'm not cut out for the stress and anticipation of 2+ week jury trials in federal court. Maybe I can't handle Plaintiff's work..not because I don't want to help people, but because I would carry their stress, their case, home with me. 

I have no idea if I'll find myself missing some of those things. I still have components of that type of civil litigation in what I'll be doing now- just on a smaller scale. 90 minute depositions instead of 7 hour marathons. 1-2 day trials instead of 1-2 weeks. But I'm trying not to get ahead of myself. Right here, right now, I'm feeling at peace and happy and excited about my decision. I miss my old coworkers terribly.. but the wonderful thing about the small legal community in MN is that everything circles back around, and I'm confident in the friendships we made. 

Totally unrelated thought, and I feel no shame in saying this either because it's so much more than cliche blog fodder for me, but I can't wait for fall. Summers in MN can run you ragged because everybody wants to do ALL THE THINGS ALL THE TIME. It's fun, but my late August illness told me my body is so sleepy. I've always loved school, and I played tennis in the fall, so for me- fall always symbolized the start of a new year. 

So, chalk that up the most I'll probably ever write about work ever again on the blog.. but it needed to be said. With billable hours come less free time during the week to poke around on blogs or start a draft of my own.. but I'm hoping this season of "new" - new job, new season- will help me find balance and come back here more. 

THE INBETWEENS

It's easy to fall into the habit of waiting until the weekend to make plans. 

I think I convince myself there's not enough time during the week, after work, to do things. 

By the time you get home it's 5:30 or 6, then dinner, then what? 

Most of the time I just want to unwind. 

That being said, if you live for the weekends only, I realized you can miss some really great stuff during the week. 

Like, say- an impromptu dinner picnic along the shores of Medicine Lake.

I was feeling a bit funky this particular week (last week) and was thinking about dinner plans for the evening. I may have even stumbled on a photo during some IG trolling of a picnic when the idea hit me, and I was on my weather.com app checking the forecast. It was cloudy but the weatherman said by 6:30 or 7 it'd be partly sunny. 

I stopped by cub, whipped up some turkey and brie balsamic sandwiches on little rustic french loaves, grabbed some old fashioned potato salad, raspberries, and wine, and gave M prompt instructions to stay the heck out of the kitchen for 20 minutes. I put together the sandwiches, packed up our picnic basket, and surprised him with a fun dinner outing. 

The weekends are a great time to do things; more involved things, but if we trick ourselves into think they're the only time to do things.. we may miss some pretty sweet little weeknight opportunities. 

A MILLION DIRECTIONS.

One thing I really pride myself in is possessing a level of self awareness, and the ability to pinpoint the source of my feelings.

For example, if I see something on Facebook or have an interaction with someone in real life and have a certain reaction, I almost always can identify, psychologically, the WHY behind that reaction. Sometimes it's as simple as, "I'm clearly hungry, this is making me crabby for dumb reasons." Sometimes it's deeper than that and it's, "this makes me jealous, they have all the means and access in the world and squander it." Am I mature enough to acknowledge outwardly when it is the jealousy? No, probably not. BUT at least I know, right?

Lately I've had this really unsettled, anxious, spazzy feeling deep in my gut and I'm having a hard time identifying why. What I do know is it usually surfaces when I'm thinking about one thing in particular. For a while now I've toyed with the idea of opening up some kind of a side gig. I know I feel my best mentally when I'm doing something creative that balances out the very UN creative (unless you count sassy motion writing...) aspects of my day-to-day career. I know what makes me happy, I know what I enjoy doing, but when I think of ways to actually turn it into a fluid business I get discouraged. One, because the idea of dumping money into something that may go nowhere gives me hives. I hate gambling because I like, no ..I need, to see a physical return on investment. I'd rather spend $20 on a t-shirt or happy hour than a slot machine.

The same can be said for putting any money at all, no matter how small the amount, into start-up costs for a venture. I enjoy working with wood (decor items- mason jars hanging on wood, signs), I enjoy watercolors, I absolutely love anything to do with weddings: I helped a friend with assembling flowers and reception decor at her wedding recently and had a blast. I'm a militant type-A who has contingencies for every possible flaw and can think on my feet unprecedentedly well. But then I start to think about the hassle of selling on etsy, especially for wood pieces- or getting an insanely high quality printer to duplicate watercolors, and taxes and whatnot and I get discouraged and stop.

I also think about redesigning my blog, and I mean REALLY redesigning professionally, and putting more time and energy into this as a source of income. But I really don't see the point of doing that without something to offer. There are enough bloggers who blog about blogging and get rich because of blogging about blogging to have turned me off to that entirely. I enjoy blogging for what it is: an outlet (for me at least).

Then I think about doing something more in the legal community to satisfy that itch. Volunteer more, especially in an area of law that's different than mine. I went to a seminar recently on updates to the areas of Domestic Violence as a part of a women's tea that my law school puts on. I was in a room with top thinkers in the field, who have traveled to other countries on fact finding missions, collecting research and advocating for change. It was one of those nights that energizes you and makes you want to do something. Again though I get so discouraged easily.. the time, the time my current job consumes, am I even being realistic?

This discouragement across the board leaves me feeling lazy and unmotivated. I don't feel like I'm that kind of person.. I mean, I survived 3 years of law school and studying 8 hours a day for a grueling 16 hour test- I have a drive in me.. but where did it go? Is it a fear of failure? I'll go ahead and acknowledge that plays a huge roll in it. And don't even get all cliche and tell me that all great things come when people get over that fear and leap- blah blah. I know that. It doesn't matter. I would rather launch a project on 100 strangers, let it get to a satisfactory level, before ever sharing it with family and friends. I'd feel okay if it were dubbed a proven success. I don't like doing something if I can't be proficient.* This could be why, to date, I've never shared my blog on my facebook page- or with any of my family. Initially it was because: blogs are weird, even weirder and sadder when you have like.. 3 followers. I don't mind mentioning it in casual conversation now, and have given it out to friends.. but only after feeling out that they don't think it's weird.  Of course this makes things exponentially more difficult for me when typically, especially for creative endeavors, your family and friends are your best first source for feedback and, in the case of selling thing, sales. But would people just buy out of pity? Would they just pay me lip service and not mean it? Are there already too many personal endeavors on Facebook that one of my own would just add to the noise? It already feels like everybody wants everybody else to buy something from them. Is there a need for more?

Maybe the answer is, at least with the creative/crafting stuff, to acknowledge that it's not about the money- and even breaking even would be OK as long as it permitted me an outlet to release that creative energy. Iiiiiii just don't know. I know that writing makes me feel a little better if for no other reason than it's no longer knocking around in my head. There may be other things contributing to my angst as well, including the amount of debt I have, whether we're going to stay in our house or move.. among other things that aren't suitable for internet discussion.

So, take it for what it's worth.




*this is also probably why in 9th grade, after funneling into high school, when I realized I wasn't the smartest at math I sort of gave up prospects of trying to be. There are few things I hate more than trying and failing. I'd rather be openly mediocre and have a quality of life (i.e. social life and time) than be the best. I suppose this is also a reflection of my grades in law school. Could I have done way better? Maybe. But did I value having a life, family, and friends more? Absolutely. I also will probably acknowledge it was easier for me to blame my grades on this theory than acknowledge that it's a real possibility that even if I tried my damndest, I may not have done better. Feel free to psychoanalyze that to the bank.  

MY TEN YEAR REUNION AND A LOT OF FEELINGS I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD.

{my alma matter}

Earlier this week I got the notification in the mail that my 10 year high school reunion is coming up this fall.

High school, according to many, is supposed to be the best time of your life. I have mostly fond memories of high school, in that it wasn't overly difficult for me, but I certainly wouldn't categorize it as the pinnacle of my youth either. I was awkward, shy, lacked self-confidence, and never really felt at home with any particular group of people.

I had friends (a lot from other area schools), I was busy and social during those four years. I was friends with a few girls who floated between groups, and who seemed effortlessly cool- which left me feeling like the nerdy side-kick. I remember driving around after football games with them as they got texts from guys who I fawned over, asking what their ("our") plans were for the evening and having borderline fan-girl moments thinking it was possible I'd get to hang out with ((insert hot-guy-of-the-month's name here)) and his friends, or even better upperclassmen.

I cringe writing these things out now because it just sounds so sad.  I'm fairly certain I project my current feelings, as a significantly more confident version of myself,  onto the 2005 version of myself.  That version of myself didn't know who she was or where she fit in. She always dressed a little "off" from what was actually cool at the time, and didn't learn how to effectively use a hair straightener until sometime in 2007. Here's the thing: nobody ever made me feel left out as I was experiencing these things. If I was secretly being made fun of behind my back all those years I had no idea. Like I said, high school was fine for me, but when I spend any amount of time looking back and analyzing who I really was back then, I recognize myself as someone who was not totally happy, or secure in herself.. and it brings up all sorts of retroactive feelings I didn't know I had.

I spent some time tonight scrolling through the people who have been accepted into the reunion group on Facebook..often times clicking on images of new married names to try to figure out who from the class of 2005 I was looking at. I thought about who those people were back then, my very ambiguous self-imposed definitions of who they were and what groups they ran with. While I'm sure everyone is 'different' in the vaguest sense of the word, I spent more time wondering about those individuals who seem so very different: the quiet 'nerdier' girls, the ones who have lost a ton of weight, the ones who have mastered a makeup brush.  It's not even so much those superficial attributes I notice, but the confidence- the change in attitude. This is perhaps the case because I identify with them the most.

I find myself wondering what people think of me- am I looked at and pigeonholed as the 2005 version of myself? What did they identify that version as, even? Do people even remember me? It's probably time to mention that I currently am friends (as in, see on a semi-regular social basis) with absolutely no one I graduated high school with. I do have some friends today that I picked up in that time period, or knew in childhood, but didn't graduate with. This has been a source of anxiety, self-doubt, and remorse for me for years. Like I said, I had friends in high school- that was never the problem. The problem was that I didn't know who I was. I floated between groups, more concerned with having weekend plans than gaining the confidence to form and carry through deep meaningful relationships to where I am today. In some respects, the same can be said for college- a place I also escaped with fair enough memories and absolutely nobody who I see on a consistent basis (or any basis) today. The reasons looked different, but I'm just now realizing the root was the same. I tended to follow guys around, and formed my social groups based on who I was pursuing that year. I can see it plainly when I look back, year-to-year. My junior and senior year were predominantly the same group of friends. My junior year I was dating one of that group, senior year I wasn't. So my time was spent between that old group and my new boyfriend. I realize now that my actions again stemmed from a fundamental lack of confidence in who I was and feelings of inadequacy in terms of my intimate relationships. I poured myself into those relationships, at the expense of my plutonic ones, because of this insecurity.

I often found (and still find) myself wondering what I did wrong to go through 4 years of high school, and 4 years of college, the "best" years, with very little to show for it in terms of relationships. It wasn't until recently, maybe even getting that reunion letter, that I think I understand why. While both of those times were happy enough for me, it's got everything to do with the me now not loving or wanting to be identified with the me then. I'm embarrassed at the way, or the lack of the way, I fought for relationships back then. For my lack of confidence. I think subconsciously, being around those people and those memories brings me back to that version of me.

I honestly wouldn't self-identify as confident, or comfortable in who I am, until early 2010. I don't feel like the same person that I was in high school. OK that's a lie, I think my personality is largely the same, but it's blossomed. I pursued a career choice that gave me extremely higher levels of confidence and found a partner that never knew the "dorkier" (I'm absolutely still a dork) or less confident version of myself. He's helped me by letting me be the version of myself I always wanted to be.

Jury's out on whether I'll attend the reunion. If I do go, it won't be to prove anything to anyone. It may be to redeem, in some small way, the way I feel about those 4 fleeting years and the 2005 version of myself.

MY LIFE IN FOOD.

Mostly, lately, my life has been about food. 

We've done a lot of hosting of different varieties, including Thanksgiving. 

Christmas made a brief appearance in our house as well, which I've preserved for posterity below. Brief, because the Grinch* insisted on chewing on the tree and then vomiting several times in succession over the course of a week below said tree, so the tree is on vacation in the guest room until Christmas proper, when it IS COMING BACK OUT- come hell or high water. 

Hope the holidays have been good to you all so far. 

*Grinch being TJ, naturally. 

FALL IN 10 SECONDS.

HOLA. 

When I kept getting comments on the McDonald's Case post, I started to wonder if it had really struck a nerve. Then I realized it was the most recent post on my blog, ya know.. back on OCTOBER 16th.

Sooooo hey, I'm alive.

Here's a recap of our fall (since winter is here with a VENGEANCE) in reverse order, through photos. 

{camped out in front of the heat register after shoveling- which was a total bitch.} 

{tootie contemplates winter, tucked under his blanket. He loves being snuggled into a blanket}

{Hanging out with Squish- he fancied himself when I turned on the reverse camera, which made for this spectacular photo} 

{spooning my bitty- this fall involved a lot of cat cuddles. JUST LOOK AT THAT FACE. wahh}

{sideways dessert from our day-of-the-dead themed dinner party. Being an adult is fun :) } 

{day-of-the-dead themed birthday dinner party. Seriously so much fun.} 

{M's Halloween pumpkin...}

{and my uncle's ridiculously over the top Pumpkin Carving Party- because everything he does is over the top. M won third place!}

Sooo that's an abbreviated version of our fall in 10 seconds. Because now it's winter in MN.
I will say, there's a lot of pressure on Minnesotans to soak up spring, summer and fall and BE OUTSIDE and DO ALL THE THINGS, so I for one tend to embrace the first few months of winter as a chance to hibernate and recharge. That of course expires in, say, February right about after my birthday when I realize we have THREE MORE MONTHS of this frozen hell. 

But for now, I'm loving the flannel jammies, warming up under some blankets after work, candles burning, and a snuggly kitten who is also bracing for a long winter. 

I'm hoping to get my poop in a group in the next week or two to make a little announcement. I'm not trying to overhype it, but I've been toying around with the idea of opening up a "shop" for some time and am finally taking steps to do so. Some of the stuff will only be available locally, unfortunately, due to the nature of the items but if there's enough interest, maybe I'll delve into shipping. I just think it'll be a hassle, since it's wood- and would be heavy and cumbersome.. but never say never! 

stay tuned. :) 

THE MCDONALD'S CASE.

Guys. 

We need to talk. 

I have a lot of feelings about this subject that have boiled over (pun intended?) the last week because for whatever reason, I've had several people reference it. 

It's the bane of every personal injury attorney lawyer's existence. 

It's the motherfucking "McDonald's Coffee Case." 

So, before you go spewing your ignorance on the world and cite this case as indicative of everything that's wrong with America, let me edumacate you. (This information is all also widely available from The Google, but.. here's my PSA). 

1. THE FACTS: It's 1992. A 79 year old woman spills coffee in her lap trying to remove the lid to add cream and sugar while PARKED as a passenger in a car. The coffee is SO hot, that within 3-7 seconds, she receives 3rd degree burns over 6% of her body (lesser burns on 16%) that required many extensive and painful surgeries, including 2 skin grafts. 

2. SETTLEMENT TALKS: (In looking up this portion of the case to get the numbers right, I typed in "McDonald's Coffee Case" to The Google, which was still set on 'images' after retrieving the above image, and now I CAN NEVER UN-SEE WHAT I SAW. BE WARNED). The Plaintiff tried to get McDonald's to settle this case for TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS for her past and future medical and loss of income. that's it. $20,000. They said "what about $800 instead?" No dice. 

3. TRIAL: Evidence at trial shows several damning things: First, McDonald's knew damn well, and had been told many times, their coffee was too. effing. hot. and that it did not need to be kept at that temperature. By 1992 they had received 700 complaints and settled several cases for $500,000. There is evidence that lowering it from 190 degrees [which is what it was the day of the accident] to 160 degrees meant burns wouldn't set in until about 12-15 seconds of contact with skin instead of 3-7. The extra time would've allowed more time to remove clothing/coffee from contact with skin. 

4. THE MOST IMPORTANT PART FOR YOUR NEW COCKTAIL PARTY INFORMATION: The Plaintiff only received $200,000 in compensatory damages for her injuries, which was reduced to $160,000 by comparative fault. They found her 20% at fault. Compensatory means the money compensated her for her actual loss- time off work, medical, pain and suffering. 

The jury then awarded $2.7 MILLION in PUNITIVE DAMAGES. Stop here. Let's discuss. The bulk of this money was awarded to PUNISH McDonald's for failing to heed complaints and warnings about the dangerous nature of their product. (Keep in mind, this lil' ol' lady would've settled for $20,000.) This number was based on a suggestion from Plaintiff's attorney to award damages in the amount of McDonald's coffee sales for a DAY OR TWO. That's right- they make $1.3 MILLION a DAY in coffee sales alone. Still want to throw the woman with a BURNED CROTCH under the bus?

5. THE THING THAT NOBODY KNOWS: the judge reduced the jury's punitive damages verdict to $480,000. This decision was appealed by both parties and then settled out for court for an undisclosed amount LESS THAN $600,000. 

This case was still touted as the poster child for the need for tort reform and certainly resulted in a lot of commentary.. but nothing drives me battier than when people flippantly cite to this case as evidence of one thing or another without a solid understanding of what happened. 

The more you know, folks. 

LATELY

 

Life lately: a snuggly cat who soaks up all the "open door weather" he can get, early morning kayak trips through the channels on the Minneapolis city lakes, relaxing summer nights reading in bed (and a clean house- rare!), and of course a visit from Scruff McGruff on National Night Out- in which we crash our neighbor's block party every year because our block is boring. 

Just some little snaps from every day life. 

I'm currently plowing through some blogs looking for nuggets for Italy. Not that I've planned a ton of "big" trips in my day but it appears my preferred method of doing so is, Step 1: jot down the must-see-attractions (you know, Pike Place Market in Seattle... The Colosseum in Rome), Step 2: find some maybe lesser known but just as magical attractions (scored a tip on the "key of Malta" church in Rome from my aunt and the Boboli Gardens from a blogger living in Malta); Step 3: very specific recommendations for food and "local" type stuff (stumbled on a blog of a woman who lived in Florence and had tons of recommendations).

Other than that I have quite the depressing post in the queue about budgets and debt...sooo stay tuned for that! 

RAIN RAIN GO AWAY

Hi, bad blogger here. Just stopping in to tell you as much.

Got soaked to the bone, despite the umbrella, walking from the car to work today. Just some casual hurricane strength rain. Barf.

Actually I'm dedicating an entire blog post to tell you that you NEED to click this link and make these burgers that Jess posted or should you die tomorrow your life will have been truly unfulfilled having not eaten these. SERIOUSLY.

mkay, have a good weekend! It's M's dirty-30 Sunday, so I've got a whole weekend of shenanigans planned. :)

CHECKING IN

Hola!

It appears to have been a little while and I could say things that bloggers say like sorry and I missed it but meh, let's get down to it. 

So what's been happening lately? 

 Well, for starters, M and I finally tackled one item from our spring to do list and painted the front of the house. 

As you'll recall it looked like this before:

 

I'll acknowledge it's not terribly offensive... but it was time to go. 

We talked in the original post about painting the entire exterior grey and then doing dark navy or dark grey accents with white trim. 

Then when I started to contemplate how much work painting the ENTIRE house would be I thought up a solution that involved only half the effort- let's start out and paint the trim white, the window boxes and triangle navy, and then add some navy shutters and see if the brown doesn't suck so hard. 

And wouldn't ya know, it did the trick: 

We got quite a few comments from neighbors during this project that led me to believe the red was not well liked. We left the door red because it's a really nice contrast when it's closed..and it sort of accidentally looks patriotic but not too chintzy (or so I hope).

If I took a photo of the side or back of the house or the garage you'd see our secret: so far we've only painted the front. It's easy to ignore the rest for now when the curb appeal looks so much better.

What else, I've been eating some insanely delicious (and easy) meals (click photos for recipes):

and lastly, but probably most excitingly, M and I have booked trips to these places:

{photo via; Michael Riffle}

{photo via}

{photo via}

{photo via- by MPearl}

so. freakin'. excited.

Needless to say things have been pretty good lately, overall.
Now, if you don't mind, I have a super needy kitty to snuggle, a hotel in Seattle to book, and some trashy TV to watch while listening to the rain.

GUILT AND FEAR

My dad called the other night to ask me if I wanted to come over the following day to learn how to take care of his plants while he was gone.
I laughed and challenged him on the notion that watering plants was somehow a complicated task but more so understood it was an excuse to see me.
So when he finished telling me that his new "flower tower" actually DID require a tutorial and followed that sentiment up with, "I have some sad news about R.W." -- a name I'd come to learn in recent months since my dad's heart attack and my mom's passing- I wasn't prepared for his next statement.

Truth be told I'd only met him three times. The first, when he popped in after recess duty to say hi and offer condolences as we planned my mom's services in the conference room at the grade school. The second, at her funeral. The third was when he actually showed up to watch the Minnesota Gophers play in the NCAA championship hockey game. I say "actually" because my dad has this ridiculous quality about him where he throws out vague invitations, and unlike the intense type-A in me, never expects a firm RSVP. "You should stop by!" He says. So when M and I arrived that night to watch the game he told us there could be anywhere from zero additional people, to approximately 6. The game started and no one had showed up and my dad was a little disappointed.. the consummate host, he took it a little personally when people no-showed, despite having obtained no firm RSVP's. I still remember his excitement when he glanced outside and saw R.W.'s wife dropping him off with a bottle of whiskey and the note in his voice when he said "aww, it's R.W.!" R.W. was more quiet overall, but seemed comfortable and offered the odd commentary: he reminded me a lot of my dad.

So when my dad said "I have some sad news about R.W." my immediate thought was, "oh no, I bet he just got diagnosed with cancer." So I wasn't at all expecting to hear what he said next, "He had a massive heart attack and died last night. He and his wife were just biking and he fell over and they couldn't revive him."

My heart jumped into my throat because I understand all too well what separates a "he didn't make it" phone call from a "he's on his way to the hospital" phone call- the phone call I was lucky enough to receive last October: dumb. fucking. luck. That's it. I know it, my dad knows it, and that's why I heard all the things he didn't even have to say on the phone during that conversation, "that could have been me..that WAS me...why him...why not me..."-- and I know there are people reading this who live their lives every day knowing what it's like to be on the other side, the awful side, of that kind of luck. Thinking about that dumb luck paralyzes me, sometimes. That's because there are two great equalizers in life: guilt and fear.

I honestly didn't really even KNOW him, so I would hate for this to be construed as making it about me, but in some ways his death has me even more rattled than my mom's. I can picture him on the couch watching the game, hear his voice. It was SO recent. It seems both incredibly obvious and stupid to say this but the thing that shakes me most about death is that in the months, weeks, minutes before it happens - these people had no idea it was coming. I find myself mentally tracing back to that one second, that one decision, that could save them. This happens more notably for me when I hear of car accidents, someone steps off a corner and is struck and killed by a truck.. literally ONE SECOND could have saved their life. It seems as though we should be able to go back in time and fix it. It seems so fucking STUPID that such a blip on the radar in terms of time, can cost someone their life. The same can be said with things left to chance, as is often the case with a heart attack: the moment the blocked artery triggers cardiac arrest. What if it had happened at school? or any place with an AED?

I'm sure it's the oversaturation in the media but I find myself drawn to, and easily obsessed with, tragedy news stories. Shootings, car accidents, drownings,.. constantly cycling the "one second before/one second after" thoughts in my head. I know this is wholly unproductive and unhealthy, but it often has me wondering when (not IF, when) tragedy will strike me again personally. It feels like it's inevitable, and it terrifies me. Perhaps that's a sign I need to step away from the news..since some small logical part of my brain knows these are the exception, not the rule.

It's hard to find any deeper meaning for why my dad is here and R.W. isn't. I refuse to believe that was part of God's plan. I don't think God plans for anyone to die, or orchestrates it in any way. I do hope and pray that the fact that R.W. seemed to be a very devout catholic helps his family in the coming weeks and months. I'm sure this post sounds rambly and a touch self-centered at times but I'm not trying to make this about me. It naturally comes from my point of view as I process this but I really truly am devastated for his family, and my dad.. who has lost his wife and a friend who- from the sounds of it- he admired greatly, among some other scary family health news in the last few weeks.

There's no point to all of this, but I needed to put it out somewhere. Maybe I need to absolve myself of the guilt that it easily could have, should have probably, been my dad.

MONDAY CURRENTLY// VOL. 3

A more accurate title would be belated-Tuesday-currently but what can you do.
Anyway, carry on.

 R E A D I N G 

Everything I can on "There's Something Wrong with Aunt Diane" -- due to a very near-miss this weekend (more in "Thinking"). Super morbid, yes. In the time since my last Sunday Currently I cashed Emily Giffen's "The One and Only" in about 3 days. I usually blindly worship anything she writes, but I was not impressed with this book. The writing was great, per usual, but the story line had me rage-texting Jess at various points. <<hmpf>>

 L I S T E N I N G 

Just finished listening to a semi-heated phone deposition. I think my problem is I get second hand embarrassed far too easily. This bodes well for my career, no?

 T H I N K I N G 

How unbelievably lucky M and I were on Sunday night as we were about 15 feet and 5 seconds away from being one of these cars:

Sunday night M and I were headed over to Lauren's for an impromptu visit to check out their new place, along with Jess and Syndal and their men. We were headed eastbound on 94 (for those familiar with the twin cities) and coming up on a curve in the freeway where my work exit actually is. 

M was driving, and I was glancing down at my phone at the map when I heard him gasp, felt the brakes, and I looked up to see a flash of tail lights and the first impact as several cars immediately in front of us began to crunch into each other. M made a split second decision to swerve right as he anticipated the pile up heading to the left, and he was right (as you can see by the photo, all the cars wound up on the interior of the freeway).  We were literally the first car following these people who did NOT crash. 

We pulled over on the shoulder, shaking and all around freaking out when I snapped back and realized that we needed to be the ones to call 9-1-1. I gave all the information to dispatch and M hopped out of the car and ran over to check on everyone since the freeway had come to a stand still. After finishing with 911, I got out of the car and was standing next to the car talking to a nurse who had pulled over- I saw the lights of a patrol car coming up on my side of the freeway when the second accident happened: a black jeep that had pulled over on the opposite side of the freeway on the interior shoulder was struck by a old pickup truck, which then fishtailed out and hit several other cars before coming to a rest. 

M saw more since he was driving and; after talking to some of the other witnesses; pieced together what had happened: the black jeep said he had called in the dark brown sedan (at the top of the photo behind the 2 men) for driving erratically on 94 westbound. He came upon the accident and recognized the car, which is why he pulled over. There's a curve in the road westbound that this woman apparently missed entirely, launched over the median and went airborne, before coming back down and facing oncoming traffic in our lane. M first saw her as she cut from left to right across all 4 lanes of traffic, bounced off the far side median, and then wound up drivers-side-perpendicular to traffic on our side, which is when she first got hit. It was honestly the scariest experience of my life and I can't believe we didn't hit anything. It goes to show the importance of paying attention and not tailgating, because if M had glanced at the radio for even a second - he may not have seen her when he did, and may not have had enough time to react. 

I received a call from the first state trooper on the scene yesterday, since I provided all my contact information to dispatch. He called and took M and I's statement for a "possible prosecution"- possible, because they're obviously still conducting an investigation. When asked whether everyone was ok, he told us all he could say is that "It looks like everyone will live." I know that of 2 of the 4 vehicles, everybody inside was talking and walking around. The man in the light tan car seemed very rattled but I believe got out of his car at some point and was "ok".. the woman who apparently caused the accident was breathing (according to the nurse) but M said it looked like she was in bad shape. So, we'll see if anything else comes of it.. I'm just glad it wasn't worse for everybody else involved. 


 W I S H I N G 

That this weekend was another 4 day weekend.

 L O V I N G 

that I'm feeling otherwise rested after a long weekend, and that we've settled on a paint color for the exterior updates. STAY TUNED for that! Hoping to get it done within the next week or 2.

 W A N T I N G 

Dinner. Depo prep got the best of me this morning and I had popcorn for lunch (super healthy, I know).

 F E E L I N G 

So grateful for an overall fantastic weekend. We attended Leah's beautiful wedding and reception, had friends over for dinner, went hiking at a state park with M's sister which was followed by lunch on a patio in Stillwater- easily one of my favorite places ever, still visiting with Lo and Jess and Syndal after the accident, and then had my brother over for dinner Monday night. It was the perfect mix of family and friends, and has me feeling recharged for the short week ahead. Some more snaps from the weekend:

I feel stupid and somewhat forced into the following disclaimer, which should be obvious- but I was obviously mindful of the reason for the 3-day weekend.. and as another blogger put it so eloquently, it was not a weekend to celebrate all service members. While it's a noble and important thing to want to celebrate, that's Veteran's Day. Yesterday was about paying respects to those who have given the ultimate sacrifice.. and who have paid for our freedom with their life. That reason was not lost on me- as I drove by Fort Snelling and looked out at the expanse of white tombstones, my grandfather among them. Fortunately he did not need to give his life in service to our country to be buried there, but I'm aware that so many are not so lucky. Thank you to those families who lend us their sons and daughters and parents and uncles so that we can enjoy the life we do.

PHOTO AN HOUR

This is another thing I've seen floating around on blogs that I always thought would be kind of fun to do- because if you're anything like me (read: nosy as hell) you wonder what it is people DO all day at their jobs. 

Two problems arose with my attempts at the project: First, I never remembered or thought about it until like.. 2:00 p.m., or driving home from work. Derp, too late. Second, I don't think I realized until today how little that I can photograph during the day- not only from a "I sit at a desk all day, this is kind of dull" perspective but from a, "I have to make sure there is NOTHING in the photo that even hints at a client's case or client's name." (Whether or not you've realized I've tried to make a concerted effort to keep my job, however interesting it may be at times, OFF the blog. It's just too blurry a line, and I would never want my clients- or potential future employers- to see me writing about them). 

Anyway, without further ado, here's my photo an hour project from 5.14.14: 

7:00 AM // It finally occurs to me to start taking photos early enough to do this project. Yay! Today was a "gym day" so it began earlier than usual.

8:00 AM // Getting ready at the gym after my run.. which I actually enjoy immensely. I find it very therapeutic to be around a lot of other people getting ready as well. 

9:00 AM // I've just gotten to work not too long ago, and settle in for the day. This means reviewing my "to do" list for the week, a fresh cup of coffee, and booting up the computer. 

10:00 AM // One of the paralegals tells me that my boss wants to get one of our cases sued out today in Spokane County, Washington. Good thing the Summons and Complaint has been drafted for months! Pro Hac Vice papers (so I'm able to practice in Washington State) have to wait until we find out who defense counsel will be.. but those are ready as well.

11:00 AM // I finish drafting a Position Paper for our settlement ALJ (Administrative Law Judge) in another one of my cases. This is for a sort of mediation we will have in the coming weeks. It's very confidential though, so not even a snippit for you. ;-). [and no my signature is not just "Kelly B.".. all pertinent information was scrubbed there, as well, for the photo]. 

12:00 PM // Lunch of champions, le duh. I do some internet browsing during this time as well. 

1:00 PM // I've earned a Special K bar dessert from the restaurant in the building.. riding down the elevator. 

2:00 PM // Need to pull an expense report of all attorney's fees and costs to date for our mediation statement and realized I haven't entered time in this case since July 2013. CRAP. Spend the next hour doing this. 

3:00 PM // Give statement to boss to review. He gets about 2 pages in and gives up, per usual, and begins suggesting changes that are actually on pages 3, 4, 5. Hand it off to another associate to do some real fine-tooth-combing it. Desk also begins to look like a disaster as the day goes on. 

4:00 PM // But is it time to go home yet...? 

5:00 PM // TIME TO GO HOME! YAY! Oh and some art that I haven't gotten around to hanging yet. 

6:00 PM // Today after work I headed over to my dad's to wait for him to get off work- my dad, brother and I are taking my mom's mom out for a belated mother's day dinner. Hanging out with ma squish in the meantime. 

7:00 PM // Sitting down for dinner at this hole-in-the-wall supper club out by grandma's. She's been going there for decades. 

8:00 PM // Finally piling to the car after dinner.. in which my brother compared oysters to boogers and we all laughed hysterically for 10 minutes. 

9:00 PM // home to put on sweat pants..TJ is extra meowy this evening so I check his auto feeder and it's empty. I THINK that means he's telling me he didn't get his dinner, but he could be lying. Settle on giving him 1/2 a dinner portion since he usually gets some treats before bed. 

9:30- crawl in to bed to edit blogs, snoozing by 10. 

That was a rather typical day-in-the-life!