UPDATE

This is going to be anticlimactic, but such is life sometimes.
Based on an early estimate, the damage to my car is going to be under my deductible amount, thus we likely won't be making a claim on it.
This is great! Except it is looking like my only shot at finding out who this a-hole is, is filing a claim - which is apparently the only way to run his plates and get a name and address. Per MPD, a report won't be generated with that info because it was not an injury hit and run.

A part of me is ready to let it go and be done with it-
the other part of me reaaaaaaaaaaaaalllyyyy would love to send a certified letter telling him I am about to take him to small claims court (for shits and giggles) because it seems asinine that someone should be able to get away with something like that.

Moral of the story, folks- if you're in a fender bender, even if you don't think it's worth it, CALL THE COPS. When the cops show up, you can tell them a short story of a sad little girl from MN who got SCREWED and therefore, you are simply protecting yourself.

I'm going to make one or two more attempts to force the issue with MPD because I've been told a few different things depending on who I speak with at the records unit (typical governmental red tape).. so maybe I'll have a cheerier update coming soon.

THAT REALLY HAPPENED.

I'm sitting in my bed currently, at a total loss for what happened to me earlier this evening.

The short version: I was involved in a hit and run. 

The long version is bizarre and the more I think about it- the more I sit here and seethe because this is not at all how things are supposed to work. 

As a precursor- MN has a no-fault insurance system. Simply put, by law, everyone in the state who owns or operates a vehicle is required to have insurance. It's a misdemeanor if you don't. Each person also is supposed to carry uninsured motorist coverage and underinsured, in the event the person who hits you does NOT have insurance (or doesn't have ENOUGH insurance to cover your claim). Also, it makes it so there are certain minimum thresholds you have to hit in terms of damage/physical injury before you can go run and sue someone (tort reform, FTW!). Pretty simple, right? You get in a fender bender, as I did tonight, and you exchange insurance information- the insurance foots the bill..and often your premiums go up a bit, depending on number of offenses.. which is why people still aren't fond of accidents, but it's designed so everybody's covered and nobody has to sue each other (unless it's real bad). 

Let me set the scene: I'm on the entrance ramp to 94W right before the Lowry tunnel (this will only make sense to locals)- where 35W merges in, and the 11th street exit is, and what is generally known as a disaster area of 94W. I notice IMMEDIATELY the man next to me is trying to avoid doing the zipper merge on the entrance ramp -and is instead attempting to cut me off. (*NOTE: as all Minnesotan's know, the zipper merge is a point of contention..as Minnesotans are THE most passive aggressive drivers EVER and refuse to abide by the zipper merge) We end up merging appropriately, and I notice as he's behind me, he's allowing a large gap between our cars, and then will rapidly accelerate very close to my car. I keep watching him in my rearview, as safely as I can, as we're stop and go entering the freeway and I see it: he's looking down at his cell phone- which accounts for the erratic movement. He's making me really uncomfortable and I had a bad feeling from the get go, so I try to get a view of his license plate just in case I need it (oh the irony is palpable). 

I finally get on and after a short time, he's no longer behind me since there are many cars merging ahead of, and behind me. I usually try to get in the middle lane prior to the tunnel since it moves the best, and still allows me to exit on 394W after the tunnel.  I'm in the process of trying to spot a decent gap to get over, moving pretty slowly along, when I feel the impact: I'm hit from behind. 

I look up in my rearview in shock and honestly can't believe what I'm seeing: of all the people on the freeway, despite all the merging that went on in the 200 or so yards between the entrance ramp and this point, it's the zipper merge asshole who is behind me. 

I pull over, and what follows it the strangest 10 or so minutes of my life. I get out, and check out my bumper, feeling along the bottom, and notice there's a crack. This is what followed: 

Me: Ah.. there's a crack here. 

Zipper Asshole (ZA): What? Seriously? 

Me: yes, right here. 

ZA: <<feels crack>> 

Me: Can I have your insurance information? 

ZA: What? you can't be serious. 

Me: <<blank stare>> um... yes. 

ZA: You're seriously going to report that? 

Me: Um, yes. I at least need to see what the damage is. 

ZA: repeats multiple times, "you're serious. you're actually reporting this. really, we're doing this?" and takes a dozen or so photos of my car and his car. At one point he even says "I bet you were just WAITING for this." (this being the major pay day I'm cashing in to..maybe fix my bumper...?) 

Me: Uh yes. This is how No Fault works in MN. 

ZA: even though you slammed on the brakes unexpectedly. 

This is about the time he loses me. It'd been an obnoxious Monday, with obnoxious clients, and I was at my wits end. I'm guilty of "braking suddenly" on occasion- and when I do, I KNOW I do, because I'm looking in the rearview PRAYING the person behind me stops quick. I was no where near close to doing that tonight because I was just puttering along waiting for an entrance in the next lane over. 

So, in other words- NOW I'm pissed. 

Me: What? I didn't slam on my brakes. (I don't mention that in MN, there is practically a presumption of fault on behalf of the rear-ender, and not the rear-endee.. as that means you clearly weren't leaving enough space for a reaction time, but I'm pissed now, so I throw this out there:) I did see you texting and driving though. 

ZA: WHAT?! How? 

Me: uh, my rear view. 

ZA: so you were looking in your rear view while you were supposed to be driving during rush hour? 

Me: No. I saw you as we were getting on the freeway. 

ZA: I wasn't texting.Want to see my phone!? <<at this point I've struck a nerve and he's getting agitated. I'm getting nervous- it's dark, I'm alone, he's larger than me>>

Me: I'm not getting into this with you! This is what no fault is for. Can we just exchange information. 

ZA: <<huffs back to his car to get insurance stuff. At this point I'm convinced he's about to drive off so I take down his plates, make and model of the car. He actually returns and has it in hand, comes back. I've gotten mine out as well at this point. He asks for my ID and starts to take down my information.>> What's your name? 

Me: Kelly. 

ZA: <<he's SNEERING/yelling/being scary at this point as he scream-spells it out>>: K-E-L....L...WITH AN I-E? 

Me: K-E-L-L-Y. <<I gesture with my insurance card so he can take down the rest of the information. He grabs it.>> 

ZA: you're seriously reporting this. 

Me: Look. I just want to get the information and get it looked at in case there's damage that's not readily apparent under the undercarriage. <<I can only imagine my use of the phrase 'undercarriage' prompts his next retort, which pissed me off enough to warrant my response, which was effectively the end of our exchange- and actually, this happened to M not too long ago. What LOOKED like a superficial crack was $1,200 in damage underneath his car.>>

ZA: What, are you a MECHANIC or something!?!? 

Me: <<at this point I think I laughed a little because, a) what kind of a response is that? b) if he thought he was being a smart ass by calling me a mechanic I just knew he'd love [and by that I mean HATE] what I was going to say next.. and c) I paid a lot of money for this degree and SOMETIMES it's nice to scare people with it..even if it was totally unwarranted because we have NO FAULT so I don't HAVE to threaten to sue you with my law degree, d) I felt like he was being insanely condescending and bullying me due to my apparent age and size, so I responded with a laugh and the truth: Nope, actually, I'm a lawyer.

ZA: What? Oh yea- where. 

Me: <<I think I snort-laughed again or something here because WHAT!?>> Uh, I'm not telling you that. <<Yah, definitely need the small angry man knowing where I WORK>>

<<at this point the exact sequence of events escapes me, but it devolves pretty quickly from here. As best I recall, this is how it happened:>>

ZA: Well, it's not my fault, I'm not going to give you my information. So, call go ahead and sue me. << second time I was told this today.. oy vey>>

Me: I have no idea if I even said anything, if I did it may have been something like, "are you going to give me your information?" but I do recall him throwing my insurance card back into my open car door, and then at some point he responded with: 

ZA: go ahead, take my plates, they're right there. Call the cops. 

Me: Uh, if you leave, I will. And I already have your plates. 

ZA hops back in his car and fucking leaves.  I'm sitting there shaking and pissed off. Pissed that I was alone, and that as a small young woman, he thought he could bully me into not getting his information or reporting the claim. Pissed that I was even scared in the first place, but realizing that making him mad to the point of putting myself in danger was not worth it. Pissed that even though we have this fucking system set up to make it easy to just exchange information and BE DONE WITH IT- he chose to be an absolute asshole. Pissed I have to drag myself to the Minneapolis Police Department tomorrow morning and file a report (but you bet you're ass I'm going to, and follow it through to completion, including tracking down his insurance information).

I just.. ugh. I struggle with people who aren't afraid of, or don't abide by, social constructs like laws. 

Hope he wasn't banking on me not having any follow through because he's about to experience a whole hell-storm of follow through. 

THE MCDONALD'S CASE.

Guys. 

We need to talk. 

I have a lot of feelings about this subject that have boiled over (pun intended?) the last week because for whatever reason, I've had several people reference it. 

It's the bane of every personal injury attorney lawyer's existence. 

It's the motherfucking "McDonald's Coffee Case." 

So, before you go spewing your ignorance on the world and cite this case as indicative of everything that's wrong with America, let me edumacate you. (This information is all also widely available from The Google, but.. here's my PSA). 

1. THE FACTS: It's 1992. A 79 year old woman spills coffee in her lap trying to remove the lid to add cream and sugar while PARKED as a passenger in a car. The coffee is SO hot, that within 3-7 seconds, she receives 3rd degree burns over 6% of her body (lesser burns on 16%) that required many extensive and painful surgeries, including 2 skin grafts. 

2. SETTLEMENT TALKS: (In looking up this portion of the case to get the numbers right, I typed in "McDonald's Coffee Case" to The Google, which was still set on 'images' after retrieving the above image, and now I CAN NEVER UN-SEE WHAT I SAW. BE WARNED). The Plaintiff tried to get McDonald's to settle this case for TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS for her past and future medical and loss of income. that's it. $20,000. They said "what about $800 instead?" No dice. 

3. TRIAL: Evidence at trial shows several damning things: First, McDonald's knew damn well, and had been told many times, their coffee was too. effing. hot. and that it did not need to be kept at that temperature. By 1992 they had received 700 complaints and settled several cases for $500,000. There is evidence that lowering it from 190 degrees [which is what it was the day of the accident] to 160 degrees meant burns wouldn't set in until about 12-15 seconds of contact with skin instead of 3-7. The extra time would've allowed more time to remove clothing/coffee from contact with skin. 

4. THE MOST IMPORTANT PART FOR YOUR NEW COCKTAIL PARTY INFORMATION: The Plaintiff only received $200,000 in compensatory damages for her injuries, which was reduced to $160,000 by comparative fault. They found her 20% at fault. Compensatory means the money compensated her for her actual loss- time off work, medical, pain and suffering. 

The jury then awarded $2.7 MILLION in PUNITIVE DAMAGES. Stop here. Let's discuss. The bulk of this money was awarded to PUNISH McDonald's for failing to heed complaints and warnings about the dangerous nature of their product. (Keep in mind, this lil' ol' lady would've settled for $20,000.) This number was based on a suggestion from Plaintiff's attorney to award damages in the amount of McDonald's coffee sales for a DAY OR TWO. That's right- they make $1.3 MILLION a DAY in coffee sales alone. Still want to throw the woman with a BURNED CROTCH under the bus?

5. THE THING THAT NOBODY KNOWS: the judge reduced the jury's punitive damages verdict to $480,000. This decision was appealed by both parties and then settled out for court for an undisclosed amount LESS THAN $600,000. 

This case was still touted as the poster child for the need for tort reform and certainly resulted in a lot of commentary.. but nothing drives me battier than when people flippantly cite to this case as evidence of one thing or another without a solid understanding of what happened. 

The more you know, folks. 

WHAT NOT TO DO AT THE GYM

In honor of the fact that I actually dragged myself out of bed this morning to go to the gym (for some reason it's been terribly difficult lately) I thought I'd share this super helpful post I've had drafted.

It's called, what not to do at the gym (but perhaps not what you're expecting it to say):

1. DON'T BITCH ABOUT 'YOUR SPOT' IN GROUP FITNESS
For all you know the person 'taking your spot' has been TERRIFIED of participating in a group fitness class for this very reason and has been avoiding trying one out for weeks. They finally work up the courage and there's the know-it-all gym douche shooting them daggers for stealing their 'spot'- news flash, you don't own shit at the gym, let alone a spot.

2. (on a similar note): DON'T BITCH ABOUT PEOPLE WHO BUMP INTO YOU DURING ZUMBA/BARRE/WHAT-THE-F-EVER CLASS
Again, maybe this is their first class. Maybe you should cut people some slack. Maybe not everyone can hip thrust to the beat JUST.LIKE.YOU. Maybe you are the reason they're scared to try a group fitness class. Maybe you should get over yourself.

3. DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO TEXT ON WORKOUT EQUIPMENT
Maybe they're having a really awful day and needed to talk to someone about it. Maybe they're figuring out logistics for dinner with their husband. WHATEVER the reason, it DOES NOT AFFECT YOU- so stop being an asshole about it.

4. DON'T JUDGE PEOPLE WHO LEAVE THEIR HAIR DOWN
This could be the ONE DAY in their ENTIRE LIFE they forgot a hair binder, but you still take it upon yourself to judge them. Maybe they have a birthmark they're embarrassed of and don't want to put their hair up. Bottom line is- you don't know and again- IT DOESN'T AFFECT YOU.

5. DON'T JUDGE PEOPLE FOR WHAT THEY'RE WEARING
So sorry, don't have a trust fund, can't fucking afford a wardrobe packed with neon lululemon. Also, sorry if you think someone is wearing the "wrong type of top" to be wearing for running, I didn't know the gym had a wardrobe police.

6. DON'T TELL PEOPLE THEY'RE "DOING IT WRONG" IF THEY'RE NOT SWEATING
Sorry that you have out of control sweat glands.. but news flash: not EVERYONE sweats like a hog. This does not mean they aren't feeling it in their muscles or they're not working hard. Also, you have NO idea where they're at in their health journey, and you have NO idea how hard that "easy looking workout" may be for them. Come up with a better metric for measuring "gym success", gym douche.

7. COME JANUARY 1, DON'T LOUDLY PROCLAIM THAT YOU CAN'T WAIT UNTIL MARCH WHEN ALL THESE NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS "FALL OFF THE WAGON"
There's really not enough acceptable profanity to express how much I want to hold these people underwater when I hear this phrase. People are giving fitness an honest to god run during new years? GOOD FOR THEM. But you, gym douche.. you need to let everyone know YOU'VE been there since last summer. You work out 5 mornings a week and will be here in March when some people lose steam. YOU can go jump off a cliff.

8. (not "gym" related, but work out related): STOP CORRELATING WORKING OUT WITH, "BECAUSE, POOL SEASON!" 
News flash: not all women work out to look good in a bikini. I understand that's not the entire reason YOU even work out, so why are we perpetuating that stupid phrase? Want to know the number of times I find myself in a bikini for prolonged periods in the summer? Probably 5. Unless I happen to be at/near some kind of beach vacation. Even then. That was something I found far more common at 22, 23. At 27? Not so much. If you're 27+ and make that a priority? Great! I just don't find myself near water all that often. I work out to feel better, stronger, and oh yeah- because my dad had a major heart attack 6 months ago and the docs said it wasn't diet or exercise, it was his genes. Boom, genetic lottery. (Also, this is a shout out to the people who tell me "you don't even need to work out!" --- I didn't know heart attacks cared about your waistline...#weird).

This post was brought to you by the gym douches: self righteous bitches who lord their health and fitness over you, who act like they own the gym, who bitch about things that DO NOT AFFECT THEM. Am I a perfect gym goer? (WHAT?! You didn't know that I went to the gym about 3-4 times a week? Is it because I don't talk about it EVERY DAY? Weird.) NO. But I do my damndest not to side eye people exhibiting peculiar behavior (of which the bar is VERY high for me, since I am very peculiar) because I sympathize MORE with them, than the gym douche decked out in LuLu. (Obviously I know not everyone in lulu is a gym douche, I'm using it as an exhibit).

When I went to my first Barre Fusion class? I was TERRIFIED. I had SO MUCH anxiety about knowing what to do when I walked in the room, being in the right room, grabbing the right items. I actually got there 25 minutes early, thought I was at the wrong room, asked the help desk, and then THANK GOD set my mat down in the PERFECT spot where the bar was about to be set up so I actually don't think it was super obvious that it was my first class but I was SO scared. I know that sounds idiotic but do you want to know WHY? Because of all the bitches who have ever written a "what not to do at the gym" blog post, like they invented the idea of working out.

JUST STOP.

/end rant.

THE BLACK LUNG

Yes, that's a zoolander reference, yes, I vehemently hate that movie.
It's just too fitting to not use.
Sunday night I felt it coming on.. a combination of that gunk that's been circulating in the metro area (and apparently has had 1/3 of M's place of employment of 400some people out this month) and probably sheer exhaustion from coordinating my dad's care and getting him home. Throw in there a semi-useless little brother (he doesn't read this, so I can say things like that) and I was out of commission HARD yesterday and 1/2 of today.

I had a way more ranty post drafted about the sibling issues but it's not even worth rehashing. Basically he's 23 and has had little to no responsibilities 90% of his life so now suddenly having to utilize foresight and make care plans for my dad if he wants to attend social function is this huge OMGALLTHESPAZES thing. He's just not equipped to manage many things at once. I kindly reminded him I was coughing up tar and trying to hold down a 40+ hour week job as a lawyer and oh yeah, coordinate ALL THE HELP by myself, and he told me "nevermind" and to "not worry about it" until we can meet up to reassess our schedules. Ugh.

That griping out of the way, I plan on publishing wedding posts now. I just felt like I should say something about my awkward absences and that I'd be posting photos again. Felt kind of weird not to.

So, there's that. :)

feeling funk-y (not the good kind, either)

and unfortunately this goes far deeper than "writer's block."

I don't know what my deal is, but lately I've felt "off"... large and in part due to my job situation (or lack thereof) but I've felt it trickling into other areas of my life.

I haven't talked about it on here because, well, I don't particularly enjoy admitting to failure, and also because there really isn't much to report. I've been clerking at a law firm for 2 years now, but unfortunately (and I understand why) they don't have a permanent position for me as an associate at the moment. I've come to terms with that. The rumor mill has churned up some news, however, that my indefinite term here until I find something else couuullddddd become...definite. as in, see ya! This has not been confirmed but it has sent me into a twee bit of a panic.

I've been applying to other jobs for a long time, had in the neighborhood of 6 interviews, and nothing has panned out. #womp. This of course makes me think that I am the world's most awkward interviewer, which of course makes me more awkward at said interviews. This despondent cycle has crept into my brain and laid the, "do I really want to be a lawyer" seed. Yeah, I went there. The girl who wrote that "I won't ever tell someone not to go to law school" post less than 3 months ago. I think 85% of it has to do with the job search and my current state of affairs. I'm just feeling burnt out...and although I'm working in the legal field, I'm not exactly working in the capacity that one who is a licensed attorney (who wants to practice) should be. It's been hard for me to stay passionate about something when it feels like I've been "out of the loop" for a while now. It's also hard to watch classmates get jobs practicing... which leaves me feeling stale in terms of my experience and talents. It's been hard to get myself excited, about anything. It has me feeling lazy in other areas. I just lack motivation as a whole: laundry sits to be folded, house is messy, half finished wedding projects,... as much as I want a new job, I've found myself feeling too lazy to write a cover letter. Which is asanine, even I realize that.

Then, in particularly low moments, I start to wonder why I even went to law school. I feel like I'm not good at what I'm doing, and I start to daydream about how much better a creative industry would be. How I could have probably been just as happy in a different career with significantly less debt. Don't get me wrong, I love the law.. but I'm not going to pretend it's the only thing that would have fulfilled me in life. And in this moment, of semi-joblessness and minimal prospects? The trade off I made doesn't seem worth it. I fantasize about going to work for a wedding company where I get to craft, and look at beautiful photos all day. As much as I firmly believe not everybody who owns a DSLR is a professional photographer, a teensy tiny part of me would LOVE to quit my job and just take and edit photos.

Unfortunately wanting something bad enough, but being too lazy to do anything about it, won't get me very far. So, here's hoping with the warmer weather, I snap out of this funk. A new job wouldn't hurt either.

I'm not really looking for "you can do it!" comments. Seriously. I just... wanted to write it out. Maybe putting it out in the universe, admitting it, will bring me some better ju ju... and give me the motivation to really hit the job hunt hard. Or finally give me the balls take a pro-bono case with an organization I said I'd volunteer with (hi, too chicken to take a case for fear of looking stupid, not knowing what I'm doing, and disappointing these victims [it's a domestic violence org. who represents victims seeking orders for protection against their abuser] because they think they're getting a free experienced lawyer to help them and then this baby-faced idiot shows up.) --> I've never claimed to be rational.

Distraught

There's only so much emo a person can handle in one day, and upon logging in and seeing Google Reader will be gone come July 1, I'm putting my somewhat (emo) planned on post for today on hold.

But seriously.
What, did google say, "OH, we have this really convenient successful tool that MILLIONS of bloggers (do normal people use it? I'm not even sure) use to read shit so let's TAKE IT AWAY and FREAK EM ALL OUT." Fuck you, google. (not even sorry about the F bomb, guys.) I think more companies need to adopt the mindset of the Catholic Church- change is NOT a good thing! Stick with what you do well! Just kidding. I'm Catholic, so I can say these things. aannnddd what with the new pope bizness I thought this would be semi-inappropriate.

So unbelievably anoying. Does this mean the GFC button on blogs will be gone? YOU GUYS I finnnnaaallllyyyy have a respectable number of followers (hi 84 of you!) and I don't want to LOSE you so whattdoiDO. But seriously. HALP.

I need coffee.

This week, just.... woof.

On why I will never tell someone NOT to go to law school

Well, at least one of you expressed some interest in my passing mention of a post titled,

"why I would never tell someone not to go to law school." 

So, here it is. If you have no interest in the law and are not considering law school, I apologize in advance. (editor's note: I'm feeling sassy today, for whatever reason, so if this comes off in such a tone, well, there's your warning.)

All it takes is a quick google search using the key phrases "don't go to law school" to turn up dozens of articles riddled with reasons why law school is a bad idea.

The first time someone told me "don't do it" (that sufficiently traumatized me), I was a 21 year old college junior preparing to take the LSAT (law school admissions test), and drafting personal statements to accompany my applications. They told me the job market sucks, the debt isn't worth it, and you'll hate your life. This coming from a new associate at the firm I was working at who did, in fact, hate his life. This meme continued throughout law school itself- my first year often coming from "upperclassmen" (2Ls and 3Ls). I'll be brutally honest, it down right pissed me off. Here I am, only a YEAR behind these people, and they're basically saying,
a) I'm more seasoned than you are, I understand the way this works, you don't, and
b) I know I'm going to graduate law school and look for a job in a career I will enjoy, but I'm quite smugly telling you NOT to.

Right.

Here are my own thoughts on the common refrains heard regarding this topic and some advice of my own:

1) It costs a lot of money. Um, duh? I'm not really sure who goes to law school and applies for financial aid that doesn't understand this. My advice/if I could do it differently? Well, for starters do better in undergrad and try to score some scholarships! (I will say, a lot of schools make it REALLY hard/downright impossible to maintain these, but even a year break would've been nice!) I was lucky enough to work/live at home for a while during school, so I took out very minimal living expenses. If you can- try to keep those low. Also? If you are in a position to make payments during school: DO IT. It's nice to stick your head in the sand for 3-4 years (which is what I did) but when you see your first payments and realize how much is interest you die a little inside. Just make sure you research it thoroughly and structure it wisely and be braced for that first repayment bill. There's income based repayment, in addition, if you find yourself strapped for cash or without a job after graduating.

2) The job market is over saturated/crappy/impossible (whatever). Again, duh? This is the case for many professions and law is no exception. Here are my thoughts:

• This partially depends on what jobs you're willing to accept when you graduate. If you're dead set on being a criminal defense attorney, yeah, you're going to have a harder time finding a job. If you're willing to accept a variety of practice areas, there is naturally going to be more opportunity. Even still, there are plenty of ways to better your chances at such a specialized field of practice while in law school: volunteer, participate in clinics, network in the field, etc. AND, although it's an expensive graduate degree and an MBA may have been more affordable, JD's serve people well in the business world as well if you're willing to not limit yourself to just practicing law. Being educated is never a bad thing.  
• If you keep at it, and keep involved in the legal community, you will eventually find a job. I graduated in May of 2012, took the bar July 2012, and was sworn in October 2012. I have been lucky enough to get to stay at the firm have been clerking at since Summer 2011 while I look for something else (since they've indicated they likely won't be able to hire me on as an associate. I am ETERNALLY grateful for this). If it means taking a non-legal job to pay the bills, so be it. If you're scared it means you'll get out of practice, there are TONS of volunteer legal services in the twin cities (and I'm sure in your area as well, if you're not from MN) that will keep your resume current and keep you in practice while you support yourself. Taking a non-legal job is not admitting defeat. It's just buying yourself some time.
• I fully intend on practicing law and having a career for the next 35-40 years. So what, I should forgo a 40 year career doing something I enjoy because it might be hard to break into it for a year or two? As this NYT article that M's step-dad sent me SO brilliantly put into words everything I feel, the focus on the stress of a "first job" is misplaced, since law school sets you up for a 40+ year CAREER.
• The more work you put into networking, your schoolwork, extracurriculars.. the less harsh this reality will be. I'm blessed to have a LOT of family friends and family in the legal profession. These connections have not outright handed me jobs by any means, but, at times it can feel like a lifeline when you still want to be involved in the community and have feelers out there. Plus, it never hurts for you to be on peoples' minds.

3) You'll work long hours in an exhausting career and hate your life. This also depends on what type of law you get into, but as a first year associate? Likely. This is something you should prepare yourself for if you're going to law school. If you want a very structured 9-5, no weekends ever, routine job.. then maybe the law isn't for you. Also, I think there's this myth that all attorneys work 50+ hours a week. Wrong. It depends on your case load and field of practice. We go through "slow" times just like anyone else.

All of these issues boil down to one common theme, and the only time you'll ever hear me utter these words: Do not go to law school, unless you've done the research and understand and appreciate the financial burden, the job market, and what practicing the law means in the real world. (i.e. NOT Law & Order).

That seems like a no brainer, but I often find the people who complain the loudest were the ones who were the least prepared: The people who were wicked smart in undergrad, argumentative, and figured law school and a nice salary sounded like a good tradeoff for 3 years more schooling. The people who said "meh, why not, seems interesting" and applied to law school and got in effortlessly- and yes, these people exist. (And as someone who struggled a bit to get into law school but desperately wanted to practice law, I sort of hated them). The people who hate reading and writing and apply to law school not realizing 95% of practicing law, civil or criminal is reading and writing.

Here's my reality: I have known since 4th grade I wanted to practice law. I didn't know at that age what it meant. In undergrad I got a legal assistant job at a civil insurance defense firm. Not what most people think of when they think of glamorous law jobs and yet it simply affirmed my desire to go to law school. Applying to law school I KNEW what the reality would be: lots of research and writing. No "AHA!" law and order courtroom moments. I like the atmosphere, I like the process, I like the creative problem solving. I like knowing more about current affairs because 75% of the stuff on the nightly news is law related --> that new bill in the legislature, that guy's murder trial, taxes.. all law related! If possible do some volunteer work or get involved in the legal community before applying to law school- make sure it's what you want to do!

The bar exam was hell, but I made it. I am making decent money at a not permanent job (a rare luxury whilst job hunting, I know) and have $130K in debt. No I'm not ashamed of that, and yes that's high. And still, I wouldn't go back and redo it or wish I hadn't gone to law school. Sure I have moments when I'm envious of friends who have had jobs for the last 4 years and minimal undergrad debt, but I know that EVENTUALLY I'll get a more permanent position and there's no price tag on loving what I do. A year or two of struggle is worth a lifelong career that I am passionate about.

So, when smug 2Ls or attorneys (who admittedly enjoyed what they do) had the cajones to look me in the eye and essentially tell me my career aspirations, which were essentially the same as THEIRS, were "too much work" and "not worth it" I'd smile and chuckle and then silently flip them the bird under the table.

The working title of this post was: justifying my outrageous debt and jobless existence.
Just kidding.

I look forward to a lifetime of whining about my job like everyone else.. I just have to figure out where that's going to be. :)

The Anatomy of a Minnesotan

I feel like there has been an injustice circulating the interwebz, and I'm here to remedy that today.

 

It's about Minnesota, and winter.

 

For any non-Minnesotan reading (are there any of you? Sometimes I wonder) you may have seen dozens of Instagram photos being posted on Sunday with captions such as "Yay!" or "So pretty!" or "winter wonderland!" .... blah, blah blah.

 

 

But the thing about Minnesotans, is, there's a bit of a jekyl and hyde syndrome going on.

 

Sure, we love the idea of winter, snow is pretty, all that rainbows and sunshiney goodness... but then you put that Minnesotan behind a car on Monday morning after that first big snow of the season? and they want to MURDER. EVERYONE.

 

Here's a short list I've compiled for your edification on some of the less talked about parts of a Minnesotan winter.

 

1. Grandma ethel, who drives 45 miles an hour in GOOD conditions is now going 10 miles an hour. On the freeway.

2. You WILL get your car, or your significant others car towed at some point in your lifetime due to a snow emergency. -->This happened 2 years ago for me. The morning of my Civil Procedure final. They declared back to back snow emergencies (despite no new snow), nobody knew which way was up, and my Saturn (that I had literally been given the NIGHT before) was held hostage by the city of Mpls. impound lot. They towed my car from a plowed street, and dropped it in a snowbank in the tow lot. Then, they drove me back to my car, tossed me a shovel, and had me dig it out. That's not very Minnesota Nice, now is it.

 

3. Unless you wear skinny jeans tucked into boots all winter, you will at some point suffer from the traumatic, "soggy pant" syndrome. You get out of your car and walk all unassmingly to your destination. You sit down. As you start to regain feeling in your legs, you notice it. The chill in the bottom of your pants is actually snow, that is now melting all over your socks and ankles.

 

4. #3 results in #4: soggy SOCK syndrome. Which is actually worse than soggy pant. You know that perpetual cold you have all winter? It's from your soggy socks ruining your life. Srsly. Oh, "wear boots" you say? DOESN'T MATTER. that sneaky bastard snow will find a way into your boot. Through the bottoms, OR if you're lucky and traipse through a high enough snow bank, right down the top.

 

5.  -----> THIS.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6. Speaking of #3, MnDOT (MN Dept. of Transportation.. our pals who "plow" --yes, the quote are intentional). This year, MnDOT has dropped the ball in a big way. The streets in downtown Mpls (and EVERYWHERE) resemble a post apocalyptic wasteland. There is a 2 inch layer of rock solid snow, with craters down to the pavement. It feels like you're on a goddamned safari trying to get to work. When my wheel falls off, I'm sending MnDOT the bill.

 

7. We'll wrap up this list with the 3 stages of grief whilst trying to drive home from work in a Minnesota winter:

 

You leave your desk. You're happy. "work is done! time to go home!"

 

You're optimistic about the road conditions. "Oh, it hasn't snowed since Sunday. and I know it  still took me an hour to drive 4 miles yesterday but not today! Today will be better!"

 

You're cruising through downtown, hitting stop lights, "See! I knew it! woo hoo!"

aannnndddd THEN you see the entrance ramp to 394 is backed all the way up to the street. The entrance ramp that is, in and of itself, a MILE long...as it weaves through downtown. "SON OF A ^!%@%#, MotherF$#%^, ARRARAGHHHH!!!"

 

(10 minutes later): hit steering wheel once for good measure to let off steam.

 

(an hour later): if you were to look into my car-- or any other of the cars around you-- you'd see a hollow shell of a human being. A vacant expression on my face. My foot automatically moving on and off the brakes without registering what it's doing. You look over at that car stalled on the shoulder because their little Mazda couldn't handle the stop and go. You feel sorry for them, but you must leave him behind.

 

(10 minutes later): you're still next to the fucking mazda. You look over. He's on his cell phone playing games, reclined in his seat. Suddenly, pulling over to take a nap sounds like a pleasant alternative. Just wait it out on the shoulder! You're so delerious you consider it for 2 whole minutes before moving on.

 

FINALLY, a break in the traffic! You're home! an hour and a half after you started.

 

 

and this, my friends, is what Instagram does NOT tell you about a Minnesota winter.

 

The good news is, I'm not always so surly about it. This has been therapeutic.

 

Also? Today was my building's holiday breakfast!

 

and who can be mad when they start their day off with that.. right? ;)

 

-Kelly

 

 

Minnesota Nice

 

I could say 1,000,000 things right now.

A part of me wants to. Especially after the tirade that a co-worker (and family member) just went on regarding my voting choices.

 

About how this is now "my fault" and that now real estate taxes will go up, income tax will go up, interest rates will stay artificially low and the stock market will crash and senior citizens are screwed and BLAH BLAH BLAH.

 

But you know what?

 

If I have to pay "$300 more a year in property taxes" on average, so that this could happen in Minnesota:

 

 

I gladly will.

 

There is no price tag on civil rights.

Money is not what makes my world go round.

I know that I'll be just fine, and I'll sleep better at night knowing that in 10 years my property taxes aren't what matters or what I'll remember... it'll be that I was on the RIGHT side of history last night.

 

"To deny this fundamental freedom [marriage] on so unsupportable a basis as the (racial) classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law."

Loving v. Virginia, 388 U.S. 1 (1967)
 

annddd I'm out.

 



Politiks

Yep. I said the "P" word.

This is not going to be a post about my political beliefs. Or at least that's not my intent. But, since I have nothing to post about and have been compulsively checking the mail waiting for that dang DVD of photos to get here (and I have had this drafted for, oh, 5 months...) this is what you get.

Overall? If I think about the way people talk about politics, and politics in general, for more than a few minutes: it makes me physically angry.

It's so combative, that last summer the state government in Minnesota legitimately SHUT DOWN because they couldn't agree. For 20 days!! People were out of jobs for TWENTY DAYS because politians couldn't get their shit together in balancing the budget. Because "compromise" was such a dirty word.

Prior to law school, I shied away from political conversations because I honestly felt uneducated about the matters. About how the Constitution played into the law, about challenges to the laws, etc. Post law school, I feel significantly more educated..at least on the Constitutional portion of things, the way the legal system works, etc. but I still shy away from political discussions because thinking about it too much? Thinking about the way GROWN UPS discuss politics, religion, elections? It makes me want to SCREAM.

I scroll down to the comments section of articles I read...lord knows why, since it's an epic mistake.. and am enraged and disheartened. I genuinely believe what's best for the people has been 100% forgotten. I genuinely believe it's come down to "hating the other guy" more than you love your constituents. To voting certain ways on laws and bills JUST to frustrate the opposition, even if they have a valid point.

An article came out this week in Minnesota from Michael Brodkorb (a republican)- the man who had an affair with senator Amy Koch. He alleges/admitted that one of the primary motivations behind the voter ID and gay marriage amendments on the ballot this year was purely to rile conservatives enough to get them to the polls to vote in general, and for other things like state rep, senator, and president.

Yeah, let that sink in for a minute.

He just admitted that a percentage of our lawmakers (if this is true) really honestly don't give a shit that they're putting peoples' fundamental, constitutional RIGHTS on the line....and that it was a political strategy. That makes me sick. Regardless of how you feel about either one. He then went on to say he's Voting No on the gay marriage amendment (despite pushing for the amendment on the ballot). 

I mean think about it. We live in a country where people will fight harder to protect James Holmes' right to own a semi-automatic weapon (so this I suppose is a clue as to when I drafted this), and will fight tooth and nail against reforming our health care system.

Regardless of which way you feel about either of them.. I mean honestly, REALLY think about that. That's not an opinion. That's the truth of what's happening right now.

What???!

So maybe that gives away some of my political beliefs, maybe not.

I honestly don't mind political discussions that are thoughtful, intelligent, respectful. It's just disheartening to see so many that trend towards --"You're wrong. You're stupid for having that belief. And because you don't believe what I do, I have to scream at you to get you to change your mind."

I'll admit in fits of passion I've succumb to calling "the other guy" a name or two, but on the whole? I don't value your opinion when you call the president OR Mitt Romney an "asshole" or an "idiot".. um, they both went to Harvard. So, pretty sure neither are "stupid".. how about instead we identify what it is we disagree with about their policy, and why.

Just my two cents.



Bloggers be bitches....(sometimes)

This is a post that's been brewing in my head for a long time now, but I wanted to wait until I couldn't be accused of writing this in response to some specific post. Because quite honestly, it's not.

That and I haven't really been able to sit down and formulate a new post because my brain is mush and I've been terribly distracted. If you follow me on Twitter you can probably gauge why.. I'll be back soon to explain, hopefully.

 

I'm a new blogger, so on one hand I feel "unqualified" to comment on bloggy politics,.... on the other hand, I feel like I'm intelligent enough to raise the bullshit flag when it needs to be raised.

 

Here's a newsflash: People are allowed to disagree with you

 

and here's my disclaimer,

 

so long as they do so respectfully.

 

There's a cycle I've noticed in the comment sections of blogs. It goes like this:

 

1. Blogger writes a blog post that has the potential to invite dissenting comments, i.e. "controversial"

2. Commenter disagrees, points out some hypocrisy, or otherwise voices an opinion that is counter to the bloggers. DISCLAIMER: I am only referring to dissenting comments posted in a respectful tone. There's a difference between

"hmm, I'm not so sure I agree. In some respects, you're even acting a little like those people you profess to dislike..? I don't mean to be rude, just pointing it out."

 

and

 

"you're a stupid hypocritical idiot."

 

3. Blogger, and/or her "gal pals" gang up on dissenter in the comments, usually with a litany of

"if you don't like the blog, CLICK THE X/stop reading/move on" followed by a chorus of "we got your back!"

 

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaittttt a minute. Because someone disagrees with ONE THING the blogger has posted, ipso facto they must dislike the entire blog, and are labeled a "mean girl" for continuing to read, for disagreeing and "wasting the time to comment just to be mean/disagree"..?

 

I fail to see the connection from A to B there.

Here's an honest question... is there to be NO dissent in blog world? If you follow a blogger, do you have to agree with 100% everything they post, or click the unfollow button?

 

That's not rhetorical either, if anyone wants to offer me some insight into this, PLEASE do in the comments.

 

It just honestly baffles me the frequency with which I see this. Someone is leaving nasty negative anonymous comments ALL the time? No room for that, anywhere in life. However I don't think we should be demanding people go away when they hold or express a viewpoint that is slightly different than ours on ONE issue. Guess what folks, that's LIFE. I know we like to insulate ourselves in blog-world to happy positive things, but my goodness if you can't handle someone disagreeing with you on a blog, how do you fare at your 9-5? with people you encounter on the weekends?

 

Not to mention it makes the attacker-backs look juvenile. Responding back negatively has never personally made me feel better. I leave the situation feeling crummy. I can even understand where an outsider may objectively view a comment, whereas the blog author may take it more personally, they may not read the same tone into it as say- I would. But why can't we then (maybe wait 5, 10 minutes for the intial "fight" response to cool down) and send an email saying, "hey, I appreciate the comment, I'm not sure if you were being mean/sincere and no I didn't consider things the way you suggested.. I appreciate you still reading though!"

Respect and kindness never killed anyone.

Losing my sanity

When did I last post? the 5th? Well, it's the 9th, and I have no idea where those days went. I do know I spent one in an emo tailspin after seeing the results of the simulated bar exam we took. The good news is, I picked up this bad boy:

It's official! I have my J.D. :-) Guys, real talk, this test fucking sucks. Pardon my french. Rational me knows that I'm doing okay, and that given the fact that I did not study a LICK outside of going to lectures, I didn't do that abysmally on the simulated test, and going into it I KNEW I wouldn't do that well- but that it'd serve as a foundation for the areas I needed the most work in. Hormonal me took one look at that score, and the percentile I fell in (as compared to the whole country) and lost.my.shit. I may or may not have then gotten my period the next day, which likely explains it better, but zomg.

About a week into studying someone posted this article on twitter: Ten things you will do while studying for the bar. Take a gander, at least at the headings. It's funny, but mostly funny because it's true. I didn't fully appreciate that until this weekend.  So far I think I've accomplished 1, 2, 5, 6, 8, 9, and 10. Our lecturer today (as does the article I posted) both mentioned "people telling you that you will pass".... which will make you stabby. It's so true. This is not to say I'm not grateful for the unwavering support and encouragement of my loved ones and non-lawyer friends, (and once I'm removed from this test I'm sure I'll be even MORE grateful) but it really and truly is one of those "you don't understand unless you experience it" things. Every time someone tries to tell me "I'll be fine" or "ohhhh you'll pass no problem!" I feel my blood boil. At the same time, if someone were to tell me, "retaking it isn't the worst thing in the world" I may actually take a swing at them. There's really nothing good to say in terms of encouragement either way that won't annoy a bar-exam studier. Or that may just be me. Also? Perhaps even WORSE for me: the attorneys at my firm telling me how they studied, or didn't study (and drank and golfed, in the case of one of them), or how "you've never failed anything in your life, you're not going to fail this test, it's not that bad!"

shut up. is what I want to say. 

It's just the honest truth. Oh, sure Mr. partner who makes 6 figures and took the exam DECADES ago and probably had a job lined up for him, sure, it's not so bad. SHUT UP.

I realize this whole post makes me sound like an ungrateful twat, but I'm just being real. Maybe saying things like "good luck!" or "I'll be thinking of you!" are better? Who knows. I feel like I'm living in an emotional glass house. One minute I get a simulated exam essay question back (did good on! For having not studied at all) and am positive, then I take some multiple choice questions and tank, and I'm back to square one. 

The good news for you guys is this: emo, whiner, debbie-downer Kelly will only be residing around here for 2 more weeks. The bad news for me is: OMGIONLYHAVE2MOREWEEKS. 

but seriously, for you and me both I'm praying that I don't have to do this twice. woof.

(super sweet customized art that M's mom got for me at the Hopkins art fair! Can't wait until I have an office to hang it in!)

This little guy is sick of it too, as you can tell.

These two have both been a god send throughout this process (woah, does that sound dramatic or what).. but really. It does help me keep things in perspective that after all, it IS just a test, and I have a lot of really great things in my life right now :)

Let's chat 50 Shades of Grey

This is not a review of 50 Shades of Grey. If you want that, you may as well stop reading and head elsewhere. This is a rant. I'd like to take this opportunity to address all the people who are calling this book "porn" and "shit-literature" and "the worst thing EVER WRITTEN" to tell them the following: grow. the fuck. up.

 

Now, what do I mean by that? I'm a 25 year old girl with a B.A. in English and a J.D. who considers herself fairly educated. I take particular offense to people who imply that I am somehow juvenile, perverted, or "ridiculous" for enjoying this series and that nobody of substance or with half a brain could possible do so. Is it the best book that's EVER been written? No. Is it in line to win a Pullitzer? HELL no. Does that mean I'm not allowed to read it and enjoy it and appreciate it for what it is? ABSOLUTELY not.

I've felt this way for some time now, and this post was prompted by a status I saw last night on Facebook. Here it is:

 

STATUS: 50 shades of grey is probably the WORST book of all time. It is "Twilight" with soft core porn scenes added in. Comparisons between the two? The main character is a completely plain never-been-kissed, overly-mature-for-her-age woman who lives in Washington. Her mother is free-spirited, childish, and in another state. The love interest is an inexplicably handsome, wealthy man that women far more a...ttractive, socially competent, and all around better catch than Plain Jane would die to date. He also is exceptionally dangerous and warns Plain Jane to stay away from him even though he can't bare to save her innocence himself by keeping his distance. Just add in some extremely poorly written porn scenes to differentiate an awful unrealistic teenage drama from a sexual frustrated adult woman's dream. I can't even bring myself to finish the book it is that bad. OK, that's the end of my soapbox rant. If you haven't read it, DON'T.

 

Which was then followed up (amongst a chain of commenters) by a comment from the status maker:

 

COMMENT:

I'm just really curious as to what the intrigue with it is. I knew nothing about the book going in, I had heard it's name somewhere and figured it would be good so I borrowed it from a friend. The writing was very juvenile at best, like it was supposed to be directed to pre-teen kids, but obviously not. At first I referred to the writing as "casual", but by 1/3 in, I wanted to tell the chick to grow up and act her age. I just didn't see the suspense, it was all sex and no actual substance or plot for that matter. It sends the wrong message about relationships, and this Christian Grey guy is the textbook definition of abusive (maybe some of the physical "abuse" is consensual and part of the BDSM relationship, but he is very emotionally controlling as well). It's kind of scary honestly that people can read this and think it's some wonderful love story. Those kind of relationships are not wonderful romances to dream about. I'd honestly go so far as to give the prize of better awful book to Twilight because it at least included some suspense and action. But maybe I missed the entire point of 50 shades.......

 

In my not-so-humble opinion, I think it makes YOU the pretentious asshole for getting on a soapbox about how you are "above" a cultural phenomenon. It's not for you? Fine. But to be constantly blasting how you're "above" it does NOT make you intelligent, it makes you JUVENILE. AND a bully, for shaming people into feeling embarassed or bad that they enjoyed it. 

 

In spite of the fact that yes, it does appear as though the author picked up a thesaurus at times and slapped down random, out of context, words. 

 

In spite of the fact that yes, sometimes, some of the sex scenes are entirely superfluous.

 

And blasting it as "setting the wrong example for a relationship to dream about"...? If people are reading this as a template for a normal, healthy, loving relationship.. well.. maybe they're the ones who need to see Dr. Flynn. (HA. HA. inside joke for those who have read the book). I don't think it's an author's job, unless they're writing a self-help book about healthy relationships, to make sure they're constantly cognizant of the "proper" messages. We, as adults, can glean from the book what we want. Does every book need to send a message? Have in depth, complex character development, cultural significance, and themes that could be subjected to detailed textual analysis in a 100 level college course? NO. As long as it's not being read to kindergarteners at story time, I see no issue

 

I spend all damn day reading caselaw and dissecting the difference that a comma makes in interpreting the rule, depending on where it's placed. So does that mean I have to go home and spend my free time reading Bronte novels? I think I'm allowed to be intelligent and then turn my brain off and read drivel. Thanks.

 

If you are reading this and haven't read the books or don't want to because you don't like what you've heard about them, that's cool. We're cool. Just don't be an asshole about it.

 

-Kelly