This is going to be anticlimactic, but such is life sometimes.
Based on an early estimate, the damage to my car is going to be under my deductible amount, thus we likely won't be making a claim on it.
This is great! Except it is looking like my only shot at finding out who this a-hole is, is filing a claim - which is apparently the only way to run his plates and get a name and address. Per MPD, a report won't be generated with that info because it was not an injury hit and run.
A part of me is ready to let it go and be done with it-
the other part of me reaaaaaaaaaaaaalllyyyy would love to send a certified letter telling him I am about to take him to small claims court (for shits and giggles) because it seems asinine that someone should be able to get away with something like that.
Moral of the story, folks- if you're in a fender bender, even if you don't think it's worth it, CALL THE COPS. When the cops show up, you can tell them a short story of a sad little girl from MN who got SCREWED and therefore, you are simply protecting yourself.
I'm going to make one or two more attempts to force the issue with MPD because I've been told a few different things depending on who I speak with at the records unit (typical governmental red tape).. so maybe I'll have a cheerier update coming soon.