On why I'm not good at being a girl: an (embarrassing?) confess-sesh

In my 26 years of being a girl, I've had my moments of feeling like I'm "doing it wrong." as they say.
There are certain things that I'm familiar with, I hear people use the phrases, but in application I am 100% clueless. Most of these have to do with beauty related items.

Maybe you guys can laugh at me, maybe I can get some honest to god answers, either way.. here we go.

1. Dry shampoo
I always heard girls talking about this stuff, and it confused me.
Shampoo is wet. Is this a wet substance you apply when your hair is dry? How does that make it NOT greasy? It sounds like it'd make it greasIER? Then one day, someone told me it comes out like a hairspray. OH! Okay. (This was after I confessed to someone that when my hair was bad I'd dump baby powder on my head and one day I didn't rub it in well enough and looked like I had a granny-patch RIGHT on the top-o-my-head until lunch, when I noticed it in the pop machine. womp.) I was informed dry shampoo is JUST LIKE baby powder, only less shameful and less actual powdery. Grandma hair is no more, and now I feel like my unshowered hair is more "trendy" and less "gross."

2. "____-Day hair!" (insert any number. 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc.)
Okay, so, this goes hand in hand with my dry shampoo quandry. I hear people say "this is 3rd day hair!" buuuuttt then I read THIS post Raven did, which she talked about taking showers and blasting hair with a blow dryer quick but still it was 6th day hair? So... does this mean when you guys say 2nd day hair, you still like.. get in the shower and get it wet and shit, you just don't put any shampoo on it, but then you still have to style it? This is where you lose me, and I may lose you (because maybe this is disgusting, I'm not sure)... when I say 2nd day hair, I mean no part of my body has seen the inside of a shower since yesterday. Am I doing it wrong? Isn't 2nd, 3rd, 4th day hair awesome because you didn't have to style it again? OR do some of you not get it wet but still take showers? (Do you then wear a shower cap in the shower?) I have long hair (duh) and on days I don't scrunch it and diffuse it (and wear it naturally curly) it is a royal pain in my ass to dry it all, and then style it. So when I rock 2nd day hair, it's so I can avoid all that styling B.S... and in rare moments of awesomeness, if you see me the 3rd day with a ponytail, it's because I still have not showered. I just generously apply deodorant and roll out. Is this gross? I'm honest to god not trying to be all "look at me I'm so cool and alternative" I'm just not sure what's going on, people.

3. Eyeliner- specifically lower lash liner.
Guys, this one was real tricky for a real long time. I never used to line my lower lash (mostly because I didn't understand how the F to do it) and if I did, I reserved it for fancier nights out. I then realized my eyes photograph better when lined on both sides (who knew!?) I then realized at a Mary Kay party once, that I was doing it all wrong. You see, I used to line this part:

(I've highlighted it for you with some super awesome faux-80s blue liner, for effect)

Uhhh, nobody freakin' told me that's not the right part. I always wondered how peoples' eyeliner stayed on all day because that part of your eyelid is like, super moist (sorry, I know) and it would always just get wet and rub off when I blinked. Then, in a revelation, I discovered people just kind of drew it on right OVER the spot where the lower lashes come out, so it was like a harder version of connect-the-dots. I still feel like it goes on spotty and I look like a crack head, but significantly less than before!

4. Primer, tinted moisturizer, bronzer, concealer, cover-up
If you held a gun to my head and told me I needed to recite what each one was supposed to do, or asked me whether they were different, I'd be dead. Honestly. Throw in the fact that some of them can appear in liquid form OR powder form and all bets are off. I was blessed with pretty good skin, so I've never had an overwhelming need to use anything like this. Not to mention an overwhelming fear of winding up like "that girl from high school" with the orange face and definitive line between her jawline and neck (YOU know who I'm talkin' about). I am sure I could benefit from an overall even appearance that these products usually give women, but that'd require me to wake up more than 20 minutes before I left the house. I've been known to put on a random .... concealer? bronzer? I am not sure which one it is, that I found in a drawer before a night out on the town. That's usually the only time I'll attempt some of the "harder" makeup stuff (read: normal for everyone else, but shit I can't seem to get a grasp on).

5. I'm just going to say it: bikini lines.
Maybe this makes me a weirdo or maybe this is TMI, but I glance around at the beach. I see all you tanned toned bitches with your perfect bikini lines. Does everybody on the planet wax? Or was I just not taught to shave properly? or is there some magic razor you all are buying? Because.. I just can't. gah.


I'm sure there will be a part 2 to this at some point because, well, I'm just not that great at being a girl sometimes.

happy humpday, people.