The Catholic Guilt

I've been avoiding this rant post for a few reasons. Mostly because I'm not trying to offend anyone. But I need to put it out in the universe and maybe hear some creative solutions from anyone who knows anyone who has made it through the circus of wedding planning, and done it Catholic style.

Here we go.

I'm Catholic. Born and raised. K-12 was spent in uniforms, and religion classes, and with confirmation and the WHOLE shebang. I love me some Jesus, although I will say I'm more "quiet" about it than some of my Catholic counterparts. I just respect other people's beliefs and decisions and am not the poster child for Catholicism so yapping about it gives me anxiety. Anyway, as a qualified Catholic, I also feel like I'm qualified to whine a bit.

Catholics do NOT make it easy to get married. I'm totally down with the counseling and all that, and actually I've heard it's a ton of fun. That's not my gripe. My grip is that the ONLY option I'm seeing for mass times, on a Saturday, at ANY church in the metro in St. Paul/Minneapolis, MN is 1:30. Um, what? I get it. You have Saturday mass..and adoration,..and all that fun stuff, but really? why not like, 3:00? The issue we're having is the reception locations won't let us in until 4:00, 5:00, 6:00... and we don't want to have our cocktail hour until 4:00, 5:00, 6:00.. you know, "normal" drinking hours. I've been to weddings where there is a gap in between the ceremony and reception. Was it manageable? sure. Did we just go to the bar between? yes. Is it my IDEAL scenario? no. Especially when we have at LEAST 75+ coming from out of town (3.5 hour drive, M's mom's fam) ... I'm really not loving the idea of unleashing them onto the city for a FOUR hours without supervision. No, but seriously, these people are driving all the way down for us and I don't love the idea of saying to them, "hey guys! you're on your own for a few hours! good luck!"... it just makes me uncomfortable.

I can deal with a shorter gap. We think we've settled on a venue (the Como Park Conservatory), just have to set the date. Como is a conservatory and (free) zoo. SO, sending people there a bit early wouldn't bother me AS much because they can wander around the grounds, look at the flowers and plans, the animals, etc. I just can't get down with 3+ hours.

SO, that being said, I'm wondering first if anyone has ever been to a Catholic ceremony that had a creative solution for "the gap"..? OR if this is a totally hairbrained idea:

We're thinking we do a whole civil ceremony, just get an officiant, yadda yadda for the BIG wedding. BUT still go through all the Catholic pre-wedding stuff: the counseling, the Engaged Couples retreat, etc. Then, the next day, or a week after the big "party" ceremony, have a very small sacramental service. BUT my question here is: will the church only do it/recognize it as official if the sacramental service IS the real service in that, it's at this service where you sign the marriage certificate? Will they go through the motions for the sacramental portion if you've already signed that and mailed it? These are the bizarre scenarios I think about.

Real talk here- I honestly don't care if I get married in the Catholic Church. That's harsh, and it's not really like "aww I don't give a shit" but if it's going to be a whole circus to do it, I'm fine with an officiant. I'm far more spiritual than "structured" when it comes to my religion but It's my dad. That's a whole separate post, and I know it's "my wedding" and I can do what I want but the man is my idol, I'd do anything to make him happy, and let's be real, I've done baptism, confirmation, so on some level would it be nice to have it as a sacrament? yes. But I choose to believe God would recognize and accept it no matter WHERE it happens.

Help. Anyone?

HOME TOUR // KITCHEN

M first took the sledgehammer to our sheetrock in October of 2011. The way most houses are designed in our suburb, the entrance to the (typically unfinished or 1980s style finished) basement is through the kitchen. Since the houses are all pretty small this renders the kitchen even tinier and less efficient. After living there for a few months, we formulated a game plan: blow out the wall in the living room to create a "new" entrance to the basement, and wall up the doorway in the kitchen so we can put in more cabinets and counterspace.

This is how the kitchen looked when we bought the house: 

 The doorway to the basement is back beyond the fridge. Yes that is a sawed-in-half door you see,.. we have no idea either. I loved the rest of the house but this room was "meh" to me. Ugly counters, and with the color of the walls, the cabinets were very unappealing as well. First thing I did when we moved in (literally the night after we closed) was painted the room a sage green color. It was amazing what a difference it made AND I didn't hate the cabinets anymore! The spice color of the cabinets was competing way too much before with the burnt orange kitchen.

After a month or so of work on the weekends, we sealed off the wall and had a new doorway in the living room. From there we ordered cabinets to fill in the gap.  I had contacted the former owner to find out the brand of cabinets and we eventually determined they were American Woodmark brand from Home Depot. Yay! Here's the kitchen with the different paint, and added cabinets. Those 3 cabinet doors on the left used to be doorway and wall. So strange.

(see the crusty tiles along that back wall?...yes.. needed to go.)

SO, we FINALLY had more cabinets! We used the floor boards that we cut up to install the new lower cabients as a "faux countertop".. which is how it stayed for over a month. Finally, we were ready to start shopping granite. We knew we wanted a lighter color to pick up on the floors, with darker flecks to pick up the cabinets. 4 weeks ago we ordered our granite. Last Tuesday, M ripped out the old counters, and the granite installers came on Thursday.

Here she is! The stone is called St. Cecilia. It's a golden color with sparkly flecks, black flecks, browns, reds, etc. It is BEAUTIFUL. We just needed one last little thing: a backsplash. This would've been something we could have waited on, if a) see back in the corner there? that's exposed sheetrock and plaster from the door-fill. Not attractive, b) we didn't have pre-existing cruddy tile on 1/3 of the wall and not the other 2/3, and c) I hadn't invited my entire family over for Mother's day next week. woops. Oh well, it lit a fire under us to get this project DONE.

Off to Home Depot on Saturday to look at tile! I learned 2 things on this trip: M is colorblind, and I can't count or add. He's not really colorblind but not to toot my own horn TOO hard here, I was the one with the "vision" for the backsplash. (That sounded super cheesy...). Ever since doing some research for my dad's kitchen, I have loved glass tile. In moderation that is, as i think if you have a busy countertop design, it can be a bit too much. I knew I wanted a "strip" of glass tile running around the backsplash. SO we picked a cream color (looks white in the photo but it's not) and a mixed-stone and glass tile design for the strip. We measured it out so we would have to do as little tile-cuts as possible (PAIN. IN. THE. ASS). The browns and creams picked up on the counters and I loved that the glass tile had a light green color that picked up on the walls.

SO, while M tried several methods to cut tiles so we could fit them around the outlets and awkward corners, I started laying tile. Applying mortar to a small section, then starting with the bottom row of tile working my way up, putting spacers in all the while. (Thanks to HGTV I had a false sense of confidence) --> but it paid off! Every foot or so I'd do, I'd step back and SQUEAL at how good it looked. Seriously. With the exception of graduating from law school, this backsplash is the thing I am MOST proud of in terms of manual labor. I did 3/4 of it myself (the "easier" wide open spaces, and M handled the smaller section that had the most tricky cuts. I just plowed through and left the spaces blank where tiles needed funny cuts.)

and here she is:

Our ridiculously beautiful new kitchen. New stainless steel sink with our new sexy faucet too. I am so in love with it. If you had told me 5 years ago even that I'd be THIS jazzed up about a kitchen I'd have laughed at you, but there really is something to be said for walking into a room every day and knowing that YOU paid for this, YOU worked on this yourself. Definitely a milestone moment in adulthood.

M grouted it yesterday, and I wiped off the excess. Today we'll seal it up so it's waterproof. It is a huge sign of relief to finally be done with this project. It seems like forever ago M first knocked a hole in the wall to start this process. Isn't that how it goes though? It always takes longer than you think it will ;-).

HOME TOUR // THE OFFICE

Guess who only has one final to go before she's DONE WITH LAW SCHOOL (caps necessary) !?!? THIS GIRL! The only relevance to that statement now is it means I have a smidge more free time tonight between finishing my ADR final, and starting to outline for Family Law. Hence, 3 days in a row of posting. Lookout! 

I realize it's been a while since I've done any "home" posts, so I figure I'd start assembling some home tour posts, highlighting one room a post. Deal? Deal. SO, you may remember back from this post what the office looked like when we moved in. Granted there was no baby furniture, but the room was lemon yellow, the desk was in the middle of the room, and the only art we had was the gallery wall you'll see below. Hated it. 

One weekend when M was in NYC with his mom and sisters (a Christmas gift from her to them) I redid the office by myself. Yep, everything you see below I did myself. :) 

[warning: if it looks like this room is straight from a Pinterest board, that's because it is. I got the paint idea, all the art ideas, and the paper flower ideas all from Pinterest. You may continue]

Let's begin the tour! Here's a shot looking into the office from the hallway/guest room doorway: 

 That's a Pier 1 desk and chair (no idea how much they cost, M's mom got them for us as housewarming gifts). The couch was a hand-me-down from M's mom's friend (an assistant U.S. Attorney) so it was worth a ton and looked brand new. We really didn't have anywhere to put it but there was no way I was convincing M to turn down a pristine expensive couch. Those 3 mirrors are from IKEA.. maybe $3 a pop. Pillow with a map design was also IKEA, under $10 for sure. I started with the base color and then measured all around the room and taped off to paint the stripe. Before the paint dried, I removed the tape and ta-da: clean lines!

This is inside the room, looking against the opposite wall. You can get a sense of orientation from the couch in the corner there. Bookshelf with books and photos, a cigar box (wedding party gift for M), etc. You can see our 2 extra dining room chairs as well. This is the "cat's wall"- the cat bed he HATES for whatever reason, water dish and food bowl. Had to put food and water separate because he'd constantly flip his food dish looking for more food. water. EVERYWHERE. Last, is my "Minnesota String Art. "

 Here's a close up of the art. Definitely Pinterest inspired! I bought a cork board from IKEA, and sketched out in pencil very lightly the outline of the state. From there, I used finishing nails and gently hammered them in about a half inch apart, including a heart shape near the Twin Cities (aka home). I bought string at Michael's, tied off one end, and started weaving it around all the nails. Turned out fantastic! I had the nails, so with the string and board this was a $15 project max.

 Above the couch is our gallery wall. The bottom 4, and the 2 middle, are all maps. Maps of places we've lived or visited. Top left is my grandpa's law degree I got after he passed away in February of 2011. Top right, second from the end, is the certificate my great grandpa got when he was sworn in to argue before the United States Supreme Court. For those who may not know, this is a HUGE, HUGE honor. A VERY small fraction of attorneys ever get to do that. Far right is a giraffe I drew onto the page of a novel I tore out. Saw it on Pinterest, loved the way it looked. Looks way better up close and not blurry..haha.

 Here's the desk area. That stack of books are my bar exam review materials. (yes, barf). Calendar, BarBri schedule pinned to the cork board, and you can't really see but I made paper flowers out of novel pages and pinned them on that last cork board (which were actually hot pads I got at IKEA, haha). Shelves ($20) and the fake little potted plants ($15) are from Target.  photo on the bottom shelf is grandma and grandpa at my parent's wedding. Top shelf is a photo of my grandpa from his days in the legislature in a shadowbox with flowers from his funeral. To say my grandpa was influential in getting me where I am today is an understatement. I'll have to post on that soon..

Straight on shot of the shelves. You can kinda see the paper flowers better here. 

 And lastly, TJ's corner of shame. The old setup had the litterbox out in the open and I hated it. This way unless you come all the way into the room you can't really see it.

aannnddd that's our office! We're getting new granite installed tomorrow (!!!) so stay tuned for a kitchen tour in the near future!

-Kelly

Bridesmaid cards, save the dates, and invitations

After countless hours on Pinterest (actually more pre-engagement than post, but I think that's largely because I already have a good idea of what I want, thanks to Pinterest!) I got some ideas for some of the details for the wedding. 

Actually, the whole venue picking- date setting business is exhausting and overwhelming and I'm way more excited to get into the little details and crafting, because that's what takes me to my "happy place"..making "pretties" as M calls them. (Actually we call them "pwetties" because we are apparently 12 years old and speak in LOLcat language.)

One of the first things I knew I wanted to do was get a card or find a creative way to ask my girls to be bridesmaids. This also would help with the fact that I am super awkward with these type of heartfelt conversations. This way, I got to write all the mushies out, hand them the card, and then be there for an in-person reaction (for most of them, that is had to mail one to Duluth, one to VA and one to MI). SO I popped on Etsy for all things crafty and got 6 specialized cards for $12 plus shipping! That's cheaper than Walgreens, folks! Here they are: 

(Gratuitous ring shot. ;-) )

I got to customize the colors and the little series of photos down the right side. There were actually 2 more up top that said "wear whatever dress I choose and say you love it?" and "keep me out of jail at the bachelorette?".. these finish the question on the left side, which says "Will you?" (and then obviously it says "be my bridesmaid"). I was also able to get one that said "Maid of Honor." Overall, a great investment! I don't plan on going TOO over the top with little details, since nobody else will notice them and if I Etsy'd everything I'd break the bank, BUT these were a bargain! 

Last Thursday I got bored and remembered we had a Scrabble game at the house. Let me back up: Scrabbe is kind of "significant" to M and I. We went to the Chatterbox Cafe on our 3rd date and played scrabble- it's a cool bar that has board games and Super Nintendo/Nintendo games for you to play. Then, for my birthday (which is also Valentines Day) the first year we were dating, Scrabble was how he told me what my gift was. He hid the letters in his coat pocket and pulled them out when I wasn't looking, and as the game went on (we were playing before dinner reservations later) he spelled out "Eric Church" and right as I was about to get all up in arms that Eric is NOT a proper Scrabble play, he tossed an envelope in my lap- it was 2 tickets to the Eric Church concert! The irony there was that I had gotten him the exact same gift. Bahaha. SO, we had 4 tickets to the concert. I sold mine on Craigslist since his were better seats. 

Anyway, I knew I wanted to incorporate Scrabble somehow, and I saw photos like this on Pinterest: 

SO Thursday night I got bored and started spelling things out with Scrabble pieces and my ring. The above is an Instagram shot.

As one of my ideas for Save The Dates, I wanted to spell it out with scrabble letters and my ring, and then include the details in text at the bottom. So I layed out the letters and my ring on our black coffee table, and ta da! :

I actually have a complete mock up I did using the Google+ photo editor that had our names in white, a random date, and the city/state, as well as "formal invitation to follow"... and I had it on here until I realized it had both our full names, and M being in the interactive marketing field, is wary of our "stuff" out there on the interwebz. (Ya'll understand ;-)) Anyway I'm thinking of doing the above, OR during engagement photos writing "Save our date" and the date, on the bottom of my shoes. I've seen it on Pinterest too. Then we'd sit on the ground and the focus would be on the shoes with us blurry in the background. You get the idea. The last idea I had was to hold up a sign during engagement photos. 

As far as invitations go, I'd like to try to make them myself. I went to JoAnn Fabrics for the pillow project, and scouted out their cardstock. They have normal paper sized packages of a cream colored cardstock for pretty cheap ($3.00 or so for 25 or so sheets). I just want a simple invite, so I'm thinking of printing them ourselves- 4 to a page- on the cardstock, and then to glam it up a bit, wrap a different color piece of lace around it and secure it with a dab of glue, like this: 

                                                                            Source: 1stwebdesigner.com via Kelly on Pinterest

We'll see how ambitious that idea is, and I may do a test run long before we'd have to actually do our invites to see how feasible it is. 

That's about it for wedding stuff today! Update on St. Anthony Main: we loved it, but when we got the quote back we nearly had a heart attack. The sad reality is, with our numbers, it's going to be in that ballpark no matter where we go. Alas, it us US who want to have the big party with all our family and friends, otherwise I'd be close to saying "F it" and going to city hall or eloping. Hopefully things are a bit easier once we get the venue squared away. 


We're going to see the Minneapolis City Hall Rotunda next week (she finally emailed back) as well as the St. Paul College Club (right next door to the governor's mansion, and my school.. holla!). I'm hoping after having seen those 2 (that'd make it 5 total) and getting some estimates, we'll be able to make a final decision. 

-Kelly

silent auction and the weekend

Well, it's Sunday night... which means tomorrow is Monday (wahh). It's not so bad though really, I have tomorrow off. Well, that's a lie too. Mondays were usually when I had class, and now that classes are over (YAY!!) I am taking tomorrow to work on my take home final for ADR (Alternative Dispute Resolution) -- picture hippies sitting in a circle smoking reefer and talking about their problems. Kidding. (kinda). 

I accidentally had last Friday off too, and didn't know it. I took a shower and got ready for my usual Friday at court, and showed up to a virtually empty parking lot. When I got in the sheriff reminded me it was judge's retreat this week- so no court. I took the day to clean the entire house, organize my closet, and finally got around to making throw pillows for the couch! I had got 2, $3.00 pillow forms from IKEA a week or so ago. I went to JoAnn Friday and picked up 2 fabrics. One was a grey and yellow flower print, the other is a yellow flower print. I don't have a sewing machine, so I just hand stitched it. All it took was a half a yard of fabric, a needle and thread. I folded the fabric in half inside out, and sewed 2 of the open sides. I turned it inside out, put the pillow inside, and stitched up the last side. Repeat with the other fabric/pillow, and ta da: 

Friday night M was out with the guys having dinner, so my friend D from law school came over. We made pizza and had every intention of watching Crazy, Stupid, Love that she had on Netflix but instead got sucked into a Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids marathon, and My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. It happens. TJ doesn't usually snuggle with "strangers" (non M or I) but he marched over, hopped into her lap, and started to purr. I melt. 

D and TJ. 

Saturday night M and I went with my dad to our church's silent auction. Last year we were the youngest ones there by about 10 years, but this year there seemed to be a few more "younger" couples. I go mostly because my dad LOVES when we come to these types of things with him, and really, it's a fun different night. Plus, dad pays for our tickets so even if we don't want to bid on anything, it's a night of free food (GOOD food) and drinks! They actually got a pretty well known act to sing too: Tim Mahoney. Or at least he's well known around here. He was on The Voice too. 

Here are some (potentially embarrassing) shots of M and I during the concert portion: 

we're so cool. 

Tim Mahoney!

And that "great food" I was talking about? Behold:

That's a mash(potato)-tini. Buttermilk mashed potatoes, bacon bits, sour cream, cheese, and chives in a martini glass. DROOL. I am hungry as I type this so naturally I think back to Saturday night and wish I ate more. This is a regular occurrence for me.

And lastly, they decked out the gym pretty nice. This was a chandelier that was hanging from the rafters, as well as drapings and christmas lights. This auction raises tens of thousands of dollars (live auction alone made $20,000!) for the school, and there's always a couple hundred people there. This was the largest turn out yet. Overall, a wholesome and fun night, and I know it means a lot to my dad when we go to those things and spend time with him. My brother (oh yes, not sure if I've mentioned him, I have a 21 year old brother) is still in that "too cool for school" age where he doesn't really hang out with the family unless it's a holiday or other organized function. Actually, that's not totally fair to him, I think he was working last night- but generally speaking that is how he rolls.

That's all for now- I have a wedding related post on deck for tomorrow or Tuesday! Stay tuned ;-)

-Kelly

Wedding Venue

Lets chat wedding venues, shall we? Since getting engaged obviously the number one question is, "have you set the date!?" This then leads to compulsively scouring the internet for suitable wedding venues. I have a couple criteria.. actually, really just one main one- it has to have windows to the outside, (as well as, ideally, access to a porch/patio/deck.) Windowless halls give me anxiety. I've seen some beautiful setups in said halls, but I love windows, natural light, and at home the first thing I do when I walk through the door is rip open the curtains and open a window. If the reception starts at 5:00, I don't want it to feel like it's 9:00 p.m. in a dark windowless room. I want to experience the sunset through the windows, the transition. Woah, end rant.

That being said, M and I have been looking at a few venues the last week or so. First up is the Marjorie McNeely Conservatory at the Como Zoo:

 Stunning, no? I love everything about the room... the reflection pond, the fact that we can set up tables and chairs out on the grass, the fact that there's an option to add on a room called the "Fern Room".. yes, a room filled with ferns thats warm, lush, and tropical...that guests can wander through and sit on benches in and sip wine. zomg I get antsy at the thought. Lastly, there's the added option of renting a PENGUIN. or a SLOTH. yes, you read that right. When I asked the coordinator if it was extra for him to wear a suit and pass appetizers she didn't seem amused. (butiwasserious...wah). The only hiccup here is we can't get access until 6:30. that kind of craps a 5-6 cocktail hour, as well as some logistics about us using my church (which only offers a 1:30 mass..woof.) and doing a ceremony on site they only have outdoor options. (Um, Minnesota summer? not chancing it.)

Last night we looked at the Campus Club, at the top of Coffman Union on the University of Minnesota's campus. it's somewhat of a "peninsula" so 3 sides of the room are windows overlooking the great lawn, with views of downtown Minneapolis. Beautiful. BUT there's always a hiccup, isn't there? The only parking is in a ramp, and it's $6.00. Not a huge deal, people can pay a few bucks to have a kick-ass party.. BUT the ramp is a walk, a tunnel, an escalator, another walk, and an elevator away from the reception location. M, his mom and I got a bit turned around/lost and M WENT to the U, and spent thousands of hours in that building. SO we were a bit turned off by that aspect.

 Lastly is the Saint Anthony Main Event Center... located in the historic Saint Anthony Main.. I LOVE this area. M used to live down by the river (the Mississippi) and we'd go for long walks down here.. it's breathtaking with the nature, and then of course the backdrop is the downtown skyline. It was also after a walk along the river that we first said I love you back at that old apartment..SO it has some sentimental value as well. The woman on the phone sounded SO sweet and we're going to see it tonight!! I love the mix of contemporary chandeliers, wood beams, and brick walls. I'm not sure if they have windows.. I think the room is on the first floor, and should.. that being said I suppose I would trade off "windows" for a more unique interior.

So, that's what's on deck for now! I am waiting to hear back from the coordinator at the Minneapolis City Hall. I won't post a picture because we don't have a tour lined up and I don't want to jinx myself. That and I didn't think about it until I got all the way down here and Blogger is weird about adding a photo and then me tring to move it all the way to the bottom. You can google it though if you're super curious ;-) ... I'll just say this: floor to ceiling italian marble, giant pillars, stained glass, 30 foot statue. It's gorgeous. AND it'd be a nice little nod to me as a lawyer! (Knock on wood that I've passed the bar exam and been sworn in by that point....woof.)

-Kelly

Hump day

Well, that last post was uplifting, wasn't it? Let's face it though, sometimes just putting it out there in the unvierse, "I'm having a SHITTY day," is the best way to make it go away. That, and an impromptu dinner out with someone who can take me from a sobby hot mess, to laughing and smiling in a matter of an hour. Yes, that'd be M. And yes, this is why I am marrying him. :)

Anyway, I had/have more to say, but if I keep putting off posting anything until I have time to sit down and dump ALL my "recent photos" and blabbering into one post, it'll never come. I had saved these pictures into a draft, so it's easier to throw this one into a catch-up post.

Some instagram pics from the last week or 2. Baby TJ crawled up on the couch to snuggle with M and I the other day. He just stared at M until he lifted his arm and let TJ crawl into his nook. Then he stretched his paws out, and rested his left one on top of M's hand like this:

I. die.

My boys, snuggling on the couch. 

The makings of a pasta dish I threw together last week. I blanched some asparagus for 2 minutes (I had no idea what that word meant when I started cooking, but it's basically bringing water to a boil, tossing veggies in, and cooking them real quick for 2-3 minutes... you then pull them out and put them in ice water to halt the cooking process), then diced them up and sauteed them with some halved brussel sprouts, garlic, and about a tbsp of balsamic vinegar and garlic.From there, I tossed them with cooked pene, some vodka sauce I had laying around, layered it in a baking dish and topped it with the shredded italian cheese blend we had on hand. Ta-da, the "kitchen sink" dinner, as I like to call it.

TJ is a fantastic little sous chef. As long as he can lay in his "spot" on the counter, he really doesn't bother me while I chop food. Usually he's all up in my face and licking the veggies (so if you ever come over to our house for dinner and something tastes "off".. now you know). No we have not gotten our granite installed yet, hence the temporary counter. BUT it's coming on May 3rd, YAY!

Annndd lastly, because a crazy cat lady can never have too many photos of her cat, here's TJ mean mugging me. He's got the stink-eye down pat.

Let's see.. In other news, mom is doing well. I sort of bombed ya'll on that one. My mom has had MS (Multiple Sclerosis) my entire life. She was diagnosed at about 24 or 25 (so, my age). I hate to say that it feels "normal" to me, but it's all I've ever known is a mother with a cane, and eventually a wheelchair. We'd been lucky in that up until about 5 years ago it was pretty slow progressing, and even still it's been slow. It finally caught up to her about 2-3 years ago and she's been in a wheelchair permanently ever since. She gets bed sores from sitting/laying all day, which is what the current problem is and part of the reason she's at a care facility right now.

She's set up at a temporary care facility near the house, and people have been going to see her a lot. She's already made friends with the staff (surprise, surpise, mom's a chatterbox!) and we're hoping that after these 2 weeks are up we can bring her home. With her bed sores though the nurse said it could take up to a year for them to fully heal, since they're internal wounds. As a part of the process for them to heal, she needs to be turned every 2 hours. Well, unless dad were to quit his job that just doesn't seem feasible at home. That being said, we're looking into a bunch of options to try to keep her at home after the temporary stay.

I guess in writing this out and emailing my friends when all this happened it kind of hit me that I don't really talk about it a lot. It's not that I mind, it's just that dealing with these things seems so "normal" to us, that it doesn't seem like something I need to vent about. I talk to M, obviously, and will mention it in passing to others, but I think I keep it to myself because it gives me anxiety seeing other people's reactions. Either because I am usually pretty calm about all of it (again, because this has been "normal" for us) or because the thought that people might be looking at me differently, or with pity, makes me all sorts of nervous. I know that's not rational, but it's how i feel. And this is maybe the worst admission I've ever made but thinking about my wedding and having hundreds of strangers potentially looking at me with "oh, that poor girl and her poor mother" eyes makes me want to elope. There, I said it. It's not because I'm embarassed by my mom at all, it's the idea that people may look at me, or think of me, differently after. Alas, my goal is to be happily buzzed so that my "pity radar" is scrambled.

Welp, should probably hop on this research memo at work here. Hope you all have a good hump day! M and I are going to look at another venue tonight, and a different one tomorrow. SO maybe if I get my shit together here, I can post some recaps, as well as a recap of the venue we saw last Saturday!

-Kelly