Exactly two years ago I was sitting in the afternoon session of Day 1 of the Minnesota Bar Exam. I distinctly remember wanting to kill the guy sitting next to me (he was twitchy, a heavy breather, and just all around a spaz) and simultaneously vomit as I prayed to sweet baby Jesus my computer wouldn't die.
As the next few months dragged on, I put the bar exam out of mind and applied for jobs.. feeling like nobody would EVER hire me, and that I'd wasted a significant chunk of change on a useless degree and tortured myself with that test for nothing.
As I see the posts on Facebook from the few 3Ls I still know, expressing their fear and nerves about walking into Day 1 of the bar exam today.. I can't help but feel really, really grateful to have made it out on the other side: happy, healthy, and with a job I truly enjoy (most days). As I sit here hammering out motions in anticipation of our motion deadline for a trial I'm second chairing in October... I'm really grateful for how the last few years have played out- above all else that I'm employed in my field and in an area of law I find incredibly interesting.
It hasn't always felt like this here.. of course I don't write about it all because- duh. In fact, I'm sure if my husband is reading this post (I think he's abandoned the blog, but if not- Hi honey!) he's probably wondering if this is an invasion-of-the-body-snatchers moment and what I've done with his wife.. because there were several days of tear filled car rides home, and (embarrassing) histrionics about my job, life, future, and self-worth. Hi, my name is Kelly, I can be a spaz. In what I may call a turning point though I can gladly say the good outweighs the bad usually and I'm feeling very content.
So this is my message to you bar exam takers: there's hope at the end of the tunnel.
Just wanted to pop in and get this out. Apologies for the delay in Seattle recapping but M and I spent this past weekend at a friend's cabin with approximately 25 other people and it was a BLAST, from which, I am still recovering. :)
EEeeppp...my cousin is taking the bar exam today. I'm so nervous for her!! But, I know she'll do great....but, I'm so nervous. Ahhh!! I can't imagine what she is feeling/you felt. I would have BARFED!
ReplyDeleteThis is insanely reassuring.
ReplyDeleteNot because you're on the other side (although congrats on that!), but because you're a smart woman with an advanced degree who also occasionally feels like you're worried about a job/life/future/your self-worth. Good to hear I'm not the only one!
I think everyone goes through this. I went through the same thing after I passed my nursing boards and started my first job. I'd come home to Steve after a bad day with a bad patient outcome, or some of the older nurses being condescending (this happens a lot, especially since it's a woman-driven field. So. Much. Cattiness.), crying "WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY did I decide to go into this!?!?!? I'm NOT going back EVER!" Yet, after the tears dried up, and emotions at bay, the good always outweighed the bad. And I went back, like you, feeling very content.
ReplyDeleteI know my nursing boards were nothing as intense as the Bar, but I get it. Also, my name is MJ, and I can be a spas.
:-)