ITALY: ROME {COLOSSEUM, PALATINE HILL, ROMAN FORUM}

Call us silly or stupid but we were, for the most part, trying to do Italy on a budget. 

Especially after a large conversation about OUR budget just before going. That being said, we passed on almost every single guided tour offered (as there were placards and eavesdropping to make due with at the other sites).. so maybe it's because it's the only site we went on a tour with that I can say this- if you only do one, make it the Colosseum. 

 We got up early and walked 20 minutes (in torrential rain..not fun) to the Colosseum. Thankfully by the time we got there it started to let up, then rained when we were underground, and let up again for the day (perfect timing!). We were on one of the earliest tours and we purchased the special "first and third ring" tours- which I also highly recommend! These rings are not accessible to the general public but we were able to take a guided tour of them, as well as cover the main 2 rings as well. 

Unlike the movie Gladiator depicts, the gladiators did not fight animals, only the hunters did. Gladiators were often criminals who fought for their freedom or career-trained individuals who aspired to be wealthy and famous. Winning 10 fights in a row as a criminal gladiator ensured your freedom (and wealth!)  

The history of this place is so fascinating. It was built in 8 years between 70 and 80 A.D. and could hold between 50,000-80,000 spectators. It was free to the public, but seating was based on social status.  The emperor sat at the "50 yard line" so to speak, and the tiers towards the top descended in order of importance, with senators, the wealthy, and the poor making up the spectators. To celebrate its inauguration they had 100 days straight of "games" and over 9 thousand animals died during these games. 

The arena was covered in sand to absorb the blood from the men and the animals. Beneath the floor of the Colosseum was an ornate system of cranks and platforms which made it as though animals appear through trap doors in the floor. Nearly 700 slaves worked in hot, dark conditions in the "basement" to run the contests. 

{original walls of the first version of the Colosseum}

{animals were kept in pens in the half-moon cut-outs you see in the top right}

{the original floors were hand placed stones in a herringbone pattern- its name derived from the bones of the herring fish}

The Colosseum (actually called the Flavian Amphitheater, the Colosseum is a nickname) is adjacent to the Palatine Hill and Roman Forum. 

Palatine Hill is quite literally a hill that overlooks the Forum and Colosseum. It's where all of ancient Rome's wealthiest lived and for good reason- it was in the center of the city life at the time and it had the best views. 

The Roman Forum was the center of economic life in ancient Rome: it is where people came to do business, get tickets for the games at the Colosseum and buy food. 

{Caesar was cremated in this tomb}

{on our walk back to our neighborhood- monument built to the first king of Italy}

Our last night we wandered back to Piazza Navona based on a recommendation from an IG comment of a girl I went to high school with and happened to locate the restaurant she mentioned as "behind Piazza Navona." It was charming, and on a quiet street behind the bustling piazza. 

I ordered her recommendation- the pear and cheese stuffed pasta in a carrot cream sauce. It was to die for. That, combined with a Prosecco, and a perfectly quiet and beautiful Rome, made for a fantastic last night. 

We slept in a bit, enjoyed our last hotel breakfast, and found our way back to Termini to head to Florence.

ITALY: ROME {TREVI FOUNTAIN, VATICAN CITY, PANTHEON, PIAZZA NAVONNA}

Sleep: Hotel San Silvestro, Via del Gambero 3, Roma, Italy (they had a nice little complimentary continental breakfast!) 

Eat: Osterio de Anima (and order the pear and cheese pasta in carrot sauce- life changing); in general: Bruschetta.. the olive oil and tomatoes are SO fresh and delicious over there, and pizza..everywhere...duh. 

See: Vatican City (St. Peter's Square, St. Peter's Basilica, Tomb of St. Peter, Vatican Museum, Sistene Chapel, THE POPE HIMSELF), Colosseum, Pantheon, Piazza Navona, Piazza di Spagna (and the Spanish Steps), Villa Borghese (didn't go inside, just wandered the park that surrounded it), Trevi Fountain (hopefully for you it won't be under construction- seriously the biggest womp ever), tons and tons of neighborhood churches- wander inside and be prepared to be amazed. 

Our first stop on our Italian whirlwind was Rome. 

Rome was incredibly busy and hot. We spent 3 full days there and this may make me declasse but that was enough for me. We didn't go into every museum (zero, in fact, besides the Vatican), but I think we saw the BIG sights and feel good about our time spent there. 

We got to town Saturday afternoon and fought jetlag to wander around our neighborhood, which was in the center of a triangle made up by the Spanish Steps, the Trevi Fountain and the Pantheon. I was tipped off to this before our trip but was quite devastated to find out the Trevi was under major renovations and was drained and mostly covered by scaffolding. I had imagined M and I getting some cheese and wine from a street vendor and wandering back to the fountain at night to beat the crowds and soak in some authentic Rome. Sadly, as you'll see, this was not possible. If there was one reason alone I'd return to Rome, at least for a few hours, it'd be to see the fountain. Day 1 we mostly wandered and got our bearings. 

{Trevi Fountain...:( }

The morning of Day 2 we trekked about 20 minutes across the river to Vatican City.

TIP: GO EARLY. Italians sleep in and you'll have the place largely to yourself, the earlier you go places. Also, the security line for both the Vatican Museum and St. Peter's gets out of control quickly. It also so happened it was the last Sunday of the month, which meant the Tomb of St. Peter and the museums were free AND since it was a Sunday- if the Pope was in town we knew he'd be greeting the crowd in the square and giving a blessing at noon.

I make no secret of the fact that I'm not a great Catholic, yet still a Catholic all the same. 

There was something really special about being at the Vatican and knowing what a special and instrumental place it is for so, so many people, myself included. 

If there's one very general thing I could say about Europe in general is my God, the architecture and detail. Everything is so ornate and it's so difficult to wrap your mind around how it was constructed thousands of years ago. St. Peter's Basilica was no exception. 

TIP: short skirts and bare shoulders aren't allowed inside- bring a sweater. We saw many a lady getting turned away only after waiting in line in security for having bare shoulders. Many were forced to buy scarfs in the gift shop to avoid the line again. 

Unfortunately we didn't heed our own advice and we were unable to climb the cupola (dome) of the basilica because we wanted to get to the Sistene Chapel before they stopped letting people in (it closes earlier on the last Sunday of the month and is actually usually closed on Sundays in general). We could've gone back but just never made it back that way.

{carvings on tombs at the museum}

{the ceiling winding through the museum on the way to the Sistine Chapel}

The Sistine Chapel was at the end of the museum and unfortunately didn't allow photos (which, unbeknownst to me did not stop M from taking one)- they had guards walking around telling people to stop, and I watched one grab the lens of a tourist and yank it down. It was a VERY small chapel, it was PACKED, and they hustled you in and out pretty quickly. It was neat to see the the most famous portion of the painting on the ceiling in person (that part was tiny!). 

After we finished in the chapel, we had a half hour before the Pope would be blessing the crowd, if he was there. We weren't sure at the time, so we started to make our way back to St. Peter's Square. Except, the "exit" of the museum took nearly 30 minutes as we wound through more exhibits and were trapped by slow walkers. 

I figured even if he was there, we'd missed him, and didn't see much value in hurrying. We got outside and sort of power walked a bit but it wasn't until we rounded one of the exterior walls that we could hear it on the loud speaker and what could only be a giant crowd of people clapping: it was latin. It was the Pope. We sprinted the last couple hundred feet into the square to see him on some big screens speaking. It took a few minutes to orient ourselves to where he was speaking from..

{the earlier photo of me standing in the square? WALL TO WALL humans}

 We finally got back far enough into the crowd and saw him in the window:

He was itty bitty, but I'm glad we got to actually see him (and not just on the big screen). Definitely a very cool moment. 

After standing and/or walking for close to 5 hours, we crawled back to our neighborhood to eat and then took a serious nap. Upon waking, we decided a casual evening in the 'hood would be perfect, and wandered over to the Pantheon. 

Perhaps the most amazing thing I noticed about Rome, and Italy (and probably Europe in general) is that the city simply exists around these world famous centuries old monuments and historical sites. In the United States we tape these off, place 10 security guards at the entrance, and won't let you within 100 feet without payment. A lot, if not most of, Rome's most historical treasures are free and literally just appear after walking around a corner. None of those was in such stark contrast as the Pantheon. We found ourselves here at dusk, grabbed some gelato, and just sat on the steps of the fountain outside. Entrance is free, and they still have daily mass inside. It's such a unique and amazing blend of old and new. They still USE these places every day. 

The Pantheon dates back to 126 A.D.

{The first king of Italy is buried here}

{caramel crema, there is no need for any other flavor of gelato. nom.}

After wandering around the Pantheon we walked a block over to Piazza Navona, which also boasted quite the impressive fountain.

We stumbled into another ornate and beautiful church before making our way back home for the evening. 

Up next: Colosseum, Palatine Hill, Roman Forum, and a bitchin' dinner. 

CIAO

Hello! 

I'm here, I'm alive, and I'm only slightly jet lagged (in the best way possible, waking up early without 3 alarms? Bonus!) after a fantastic 10 day Italian vacation. 

I uploaded all 1,000 of my pictures last night and hope to sort through them to start drafting recap posts. 

In the meantime, here's a preview: 

{Rome}

{Florence}

{Vernazza, Cinque Terre}

NEW PHOTOS

I have a picture hanging up of my mom in my office now.. In it I'd say she's about my age, actually. She's wearing a black gingham shirt, high waisted jeans, and red suspenders. She's got what appears to be black freckles painted on her cheeks, and is holding a toothbrush up to her teeth. The photo was given to me at the hospital by one of her high school friends and I'm assuming was for Halloween or some school play.

It's easy for me to look at this photo and I can do so without next to any emotion. It's just a cute photo of a young girl. I think it's easy to look at because I didn't know her then. She wasn't my mom then. It's the same as looking at any old photos for me, there's a sort of strange detachment from who I know that person to be today.

When we were looking through old photos, photos like the one in my office, for my mom's services I remembered vividly something Sarah had written about losing her own mother, and photos.  That every time she went looking for photos she thought about how few they had and how there will never be a "new" photo. I can already tell that's going to be one of my big life regrets.. how few photos I have with my mom. In fact, I can count on one hand it seems the number of photos of us over the last 5 years (and that's including my wedding). One of those photos is the picture at the beginning of the post. It was from Mother's Day last year. I was scrolling through my camera deleting pictures in anticipation of the thousands I plan to take in Italy and this photo reduced me to a crying mess. It's the really recent photos that get to me the most. How can this feel like it just happened yesterday and she looks just the way she did in them as she did the day she died. How can it be that in such a short period of time, so much has changed? She just stopped existing. It's hard to wrap my mind around.

I'm sure as time goes on and the "newest" photos become old, and become "the last photos" I'll have an entirely new set of feelings surrounding them.

This unusual double-emo posting this week brought to you by the fact that I realized, sitting in my dad's living room yesterday before heading to dinner, that it's been exactly 6 months to the day (yesterday) since she passed away.

How is that possible?

MOURNING WHAT YOU NEVER HAD.

During my mom's lifetime.. I understood there were just things we couldn't do.
We couldn't easily go for walks.
I never went to the mall with just her to pick out clothes.
We never had solo lunch or dinner dates (early on because I didn't see the value in these things as a teenager, then was gone for college, and later because I couldn't physically transfer her alone).
I knew as her disease progressed there would be even more limited opportunities and that as the doors to these facets of normal relationships closed.. they would never open again.

I really didn't start to feel the loss of that acutely until this past Mother's day.
It was difficult to put my finger on, but I started to feel really sad about the relationship I never had with her, not in the "I wish we were closer" way (although that's intertwined) but the things we just physically could never do with each other.

As people announce pregnancies and plan for babies and talk about how instrumental their own mothers have been; what a constant source of knowledge and support they've been.. it fills me with an incredible sadness. Even if my mom were alive and I were giving birth tomorrow (no, not pregnant), she would not have been in a position to thoughtfully answer questions about, "OMG I'm having a kid, what do I do." It's just how it was towards the end. It's difficult to even explain, but cognitively she was very hit-or-miss: some days she could tell stories about her dad, other times you'd ask a question and the answers wouldn't make sense. So while I'm not as sad for missing the way it would have gone in reality, I'm sad for the way it would have never even been to begin with.

Even if she hadn't died, I never would have had that mother-daughter-grandmother relationship with her. That's reality, and it seems so fucking unfair. I can wish her back to life (and while her body would be here and she'd still have facets of the personality that made her who she was), it wouldn't change a ton for the better.

That's the part of it that's hitting me now, and that's the part that's hardest to live with.

CATS.

I was going to refer to this as some sort of weekend recap but in looking at the few photos I took/am posting I notice a theme: cats. My life, in one word, really.

Friday night M and I made dinner and had a couple over for some impromptu drinks when I happened to see them while driving home from the grocery store.
Weekends (and really every day, now) means tootie gets to snuggle, so here we are spooning before bed.
This is actually how we sleep (minus the eyes open and the light on)- he's my little spoon. Love him.

Saturday I was pretty spectacularly worthless. 

I had every intention of being productive but when M left for an all-day golf tournament with my dad, brother and cousin I found myself on the couch watching back-to-back(-to-back) episodes of Sex and the City on HBOGo. [As an aside, it's amazing what I see when I watch them in order and after all these years I can finally say I sort of understand why people hated Big so hard. I get it.] 

I did manage to put away heaps of laundry that had been sitting in my closet for most the summer, but this picture of TJ pretty much sums up the day: 

I had plans to go over to my dad's and hang out with them after the tournament but I should've known what I was in for when I got a text from M as I was heading over that simply read, "sleepy." .... sure enough I drive 25 minutes and find 2/3 of them passed out on the couches. My 1/3 being one of them, my brother the other. Oy. I lasted 40 minutes before telling them I'd see them the next day (which was consequently my brother's birthday) when they were all more conscious, and I dragged M home. 

Sunday we lounged, I went to the gym and Costco, and we ran errands to Goodwill and Target. I got some new flats for Italy, since my other ones have the bungee-heels that KILL my ankles after a long day, and I actually bought 2 shirts at Goodwill (LC|Lauren Conrad top and a brand new with tags on top from Target for a total of $11 !!!!)-- I need to shop here more often. I exercised some self restraint in re-shelving a top from Banana Republic and American Eagle as well. I have to say I'm usually not big on Goodwill because I hate picking through the racks but I may be a convert (also, see the previous post on the B word..). 

Sunday night we picked up a small strawberry tort and headed over to my dad's for a birthday dinner for my brother. We plopped Lucky at the table and he thought this slice was his. #cruel 

Don't feel too bad though, dad snuck him a lick of whipped cream (in case anyone is wondering why this cat is like.. 100 lbs.)

The big 2-4!

Overall a low key weekend. 

The next 2 weeks feel packed- tonight we're using a Let's Dish gift card to make ourselves some freezer meals for when we inevitably return from Italy and are jet lagged and lazy; a HH on Jess's patio is on deck, and another HH/movie night with book club to discuss Courtney Robertson's book, "I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends" (#BachelorNation- yes, it's true) and watch If I Stay, which was last month's book. 

So, stay tuned. Maybe I'll take photos. 

I've also been thinking about my mom a lot lately.. per usual, but have a post drafted and a few others stewing so maybe I'll publish those as well.